Franz Kafka’s Diaries: The Insomniac’s Exhibit

(Kevin Acers, November 2006)

The exhibit is taking place in a large, stately house converted to gallery space. It is an old, multi-storied structure with numerous rooms. Each room has high ceilings. The walls have been painted the color of French vanilla ice cream, except the basement, whose walls have been carefully coated in paint the color of rust. Near the ceiling of most rooms, in the corners,  there are fine, jagged cracks that look as if they might have been carefully drawn with a stylus dipped in India ink.

Publicity for the event has been effective—word of mouth among the fanciers of art who seem to matter most in terms of mobilizing attendance. In the anteroom a tall-legged, cherry-wood table stands just to the left of a simpler, smaller table where a visitor’s registry is splayed. People dutifully sign their names, ignoring the question—if it arises—of what the purpose is. The taller table is there for a more evident purpose: atop it sits a large glass tray, and on this tray is the obligatory assortment of squishy cheeses, olives, and bread-things.

This show is of new art—canvases, mostly oils and acrylics—created by, all together, more than a dozen painters. Some have exhaustibly generated a painting for every room in use, meaning some 15 or so. Others more modestly contributed three or four paintings to the whole event. Several were content with one painting alone to join the fray.

The exhibit is the culmination of 36 months of creative labor and the works of numerous minds. The first year, most of that labor was centered in one person’s head: Pornsawan’s imagination. Awake one night, she found her muddled brain piecing together odd, kaleidescopic thoughts. To her astonishment from these drifting mental blips a cohesive vision emerged: an exhibit of new art based on selected excerpts of Kafka’s diaries! It excited her, and soon the sleepy mind was quite alert. She sat bolt upright, illuminated her apartment and, with the caffeine-like effects of adrenaline, stayed up the rest of the night poring over her old tome of Kafka, marking asterisks with a pencil in the margins of relevant lines.

Over the following months, she made use of her ‘art-world’ connections. In time she received some inquiries from accomplished artists who were intrigued. Eventually she came up with the structure she envisioned, refined the project’s parameters, communicated these, and waited for slides of finished art.

The art was slow in coming, but it did, throughout the second year, trickle in. Then it poured in. The response amazed her, delighted her.  She enlisted assistance. Together, she and her team worked tirelessly and pulled it all together.

In the exact center of each room is erected a slim sort of podium made of black painted metal. It is actually a modified, telescoping  microphone stand painted black. Atop the stand is a small, angled placard holder framing an index-card sized parchment bearing the inscription of an excerpt from Kafka’s diaries. All the paintings in that room were created in response to that particular quotation. Each room a different quote, a different set of paintings. A wildly different set of visual responses to the same set of words.

The diary excerpts, with their corresponding artworks in the various rooms, are these: 

LIVINGROOM (13 paintings)
 22 December 1910: “Today I do not even dare to reproach myself. Shouted into this empty day, it would have a disgusting echo.” 

LIBRARY (14 paintings)
20 August 1911: “I live only here and there in a small word in whose vowel I lose my useless head for a moment. The first and last letters are the beginning and end of my fishlike emotion.” 

PARLOR (11 paintings)
15 December 1914: “The joy of lying on the sofa in the silent room without a headache, calmly breathing in a manner befitting a human being.” 

DINING ROOM (9 paintings)
24 January 1915: “The difficulties I have in speaking to people arise from the fact that my thinking, or rather the content of my consciousness, is entirely nebulous, that I remain undisturbed by this, so far as it concerns only myself, and am even occasionally self-satisfied; yet conversation with people demands pointedness, solidity, and sustained coherence, qualities not to be found in me. No one will want to lie in clouds of mist with me, and even if someone did, I couldn’t expel the mist from my head; when two people come together it dissolves of itself and is nothing.” 

KITCHEN (6 paintings)
14 December 1914: “At Baum’s in the afternoon. He was giving a pale little girl with glasses a piano lesson. The boy sat quietly in the gloom of the kitchen, carelessly playing with some unrecognizable object. Impression of great ease. Especially in contrast to the bustling about of the tall housemaid, who was washing dishes in a tub.”

MAID’S CHAMBER (7 paintings)
21 November 1913: “These predictions, this imitating of models, this fear of something definite, is ridiculous. These are constructions that even in the imagination, where they are alone sovereign, only approach the living surface but then are always suddenly driven under. Who has the magic hand to thrust into the machinery without its being torn to pieces and scattered by a thousand knives? I am on the hunt for constructions. I come into a room and find them whitely merging in a corner.” 

FIRST BATHROOM (4 paintings)
2 December 1914: “From Esther: God’s masterpieces fart at one another in the bath.” 

MASTER BEDROOM (11 paintings)
15 September 1912: “The hollow which the work of genius has burned into our surroundings is a good place into which to put one's little light.”  

GUEST ROOM (6 paintings)
16 February 1914: “I was going home in my usual fashion in the evening after work, when, as though I had been watched for, they excitedly waved to me from all three windows of the Genzmer house to come up.” 

BEDROOM (14 paintings)
26 December 1914: “Do I make my laments here only to find salvation here? It won’t come out of this notebook, it will come when I’m in bed and it will put me on my back so that I lie there beautiful and light and bluish-white; no other salvation will come.”

NURSERY (10 paintings)
24 December 1911: “This morning my nephew’s circumcision. A short, bow-legged man, Austerlitz, who already has 2,800 circumcisions behind him, carried the thing out very skillfully. It is an operation made more difficult by the fact that the boy, instead of lying on a table, lies on his grandfather’s lap, and by the fact that the person performing the operation, instead of paying close attention, must whisper prayers…The operation is performed with what is almost an ordinary knife, a sort of fish knife. One sees blood and raw flesh, the moule bustles about briefly with his long-nailed, trembling fingers and pulls skin from some place or other over the wound like the finger of a glove. At once everything is all right, the child has scarcely cried. Now there remains only a short prayer during which the moule drinks some wine and with his fingers, not yet entirely unbloody, carries some wine to the child’s lips.” 

SECOND BATHROOM (4 paintings)
23 May, 1912: “Yesterday, behind us, out of boredom, a man fell from his chair…Now, in the evening, out of boredom, washed my hands in the bathroom three times in succession.”

ATTIC ROOM  (10 paintings)
23 December 1911: “All yesterday morning my head was as if filled with mist from Werfel’s poems. For a moment I feared the enthusiasm would carry me along straight into nonsense.”

ATRIUM (7 paintings)
20 January 1915: “With what malice and weakness I observe myself. Apparently I cannot force my way into the world, but lie quietly, receive, spread out within me what I have received, and then step calmly forth.”

CELLAR, EAST ROOM (11 paintings)
6 June 1914: “There are certain relationships which I can feel distinctly but which I am unable to perceive. It would be sufficient to plunge down a little deeper; but just at this point the upward pressure is so strong that I should think myself at the very bottom if I did not feel the currents moving below me. In any event, I look upward to the surface whence the thousand-times-refracted brilliance of the light falls upon me. I float up and splash around on the surface, in spite of the fact that I loathe everything up there and – ”

CELLAR, WEST ROOM (9 paintings)
30 October 1921: “Feelings of complete helplessness. What is it that binds you more intimately to these impenetrable, talking, eye-blinking bodies than to any other thing, the penholder in your hand, for example? Because you belong to the same species? But you don’t belong to the same species, that’s the very reason why you raised this question. The impenetrable outline of human bodies is horrible…It forces one to this arbsurdity: ‘Left to my own resources, I should have long ago been lost.’ My own resources.”

 

Porsawan is exhausted, and she is exhilarated. She receives excited compliments from guests—many familiar, many pretending to be familiar—with a flashing smile.

She stands alone and drinks a glass of wine, watching, at the same time absorbed and detached, as if intoxicated. From moment to moment she is aware of her heart’s thumping beat, thumping like it did the night, so long ago, she couldn’t sleep.