Ridiculous Man Amuses Self, Disgusts Weary Spouse

My wife finds it tiresome, but I persist in describing particular bowel movements with metaphor.

“It was a ripe banana!” I exclaim to her, bounding into the kitchen. 
She shakes her head like I am a mosquito buzzing in her ears.

“Good Jesus!” another occasion warrants. “I have manufactured a series of irregular golf balls!”

My gentle companion is much too good for this, but I do not cease. Without hesitation I know I shall once again emerge from the toilet and, in lieu of whispering my devotion,  I will blurt, as if it were charming,

 “Frozen yogurt!” or “I've birthed an eel!”

May 2006