2. Mike Wallace and the 60 Minutes crew are there to film it.

3. Your picture ends up on a milk cartoon.

4. People arrive at meeting, clutching copies of books about "spiritual abuse."

5. The church constitution suddenly becomes revered as the most important legal document since the Magna Charta.

6. The little blue-haired lady who's in charge of the nursery pounds the lectern with her shoe and screams, "We will bury you!"

7. The next day your spouse books a one-way flight out of the state and doesn't invite you to come along.

8. Your neighbors hear about the meeting on their police scanners.

9. A loyal supporter presses a can of Mace into your hands.

10. Another loyal supporter presses a can of Coors into your hands.

11. Another loyal supporter presses Jack Kevorkian's business card into your hands.

12. You're asked to try on a pair of bloody gloves.

13. People begin referring to you as "our former pastor."