1. You've been told to get
a 'real job.'
2. You've been asked,
"What's so hard about preaching?"
3. You've been told that
"I wouldn't have your job for all the money in the
world!"
4. Others wished they only
worked one day a week for a weeks pay!
5. You've been told that
you get a week's pay for only three hours of work. You work
one hour on Sunday morning, one hour on Sunday night and
one hour on Wednesday night. submitted by Wayne Reid
6. You
might be a preacher if: you have ever been tempted to name
your fishing boat, "Visitation."
submitted by Robin H. Cowin;
rhcowin@greencis.net;
http://www.greencis.net/~grovefbc
7. You win a door prize at
the church banquet and people say it was rigged.
submitted by Melvin V.
Rodriguez
8. You name your bed
"The Word." submitted by
Chapster
9. ...if you have ever
said "I'm NEVER going to be a preacher!"
10. The alarm goes off on
Sunday morning and you reach over to hit the snoose button
for the third time, only to find out your wife has moved
the clock! submitted by Kyle
Marciniak; KJM4@worldnet.att.net;
http://home.worldnet.att.net/~KJM4
11. You wear your new
shoes to church and someone comments "We are paying
you too much money!"
12. ...you couldn't sell used
cars. submitted by Steve
13. Wine is on your breath
and you don't drink. submitted by
Jackie Dee jayjay1-2@webtv.net
14. You're awakened in the
middle of the night by a couple wishing to get
married.....you wake your wife and daughter to be
"witnesses".....you get dressed and perform the
ceremony.....the groom asks, "How much do I owe
you?".....you reply, jokingly, "Whatever you
think she' s worth".....the groom thinks for a moment,
puts a quarter in your hand, and the couple leaves!
(Note: True)
15. Your family feels as
if they live in a fish bowl....
16. Your children want to be
paid for any stories /references/examples about them or
quotes from them, that you use in sermons.....and want
editing rights to same.Cash only. submitted by Carol Pearcy Shour
17. People look at your
beer belly and call it a wine cellar...
...once they see your
clerical collar, nobody sits beside you on a crowded bus
except the drunk.
...people apologise to you
before they tell you a dirty joke.
...mothers ring up and want
their baby 'done'.
...women ring up and say they
want you to marry them. submitted by
Rev. R. Wayne Carney; rwcarney@iol.ie
18. Your nightmares
involve forgetting the deceased's name at a funeral or
walking into the sanctuary Sunday morning and realizing
you've forgotten to prepare a sermon.
19. The teacher asks for
pictures of the food groups, and your kid brings in a
picture of a covered dish. submitted
by Tom Austin; taustin@texoma-ok.com
20. If your belly is
referred to as a chicken coop... submitted by Rev. Gregory Trent;
DaGregSTer@aol.com
21. ...if you've ever
spoken for "Career Day" at the local Elementary
School and afterwards, expected to receive a 'Love
Offering' and a glass of orange juice. submitted by Rev.H.Charles Canty;
harveycanty@cincybible.org
22. You woke up craving
chicken and didn't want to go to work!
23. Your kids nickname you
"Our Father Who Art At A Meeting".
submitted by S. Jean Squire
24. Your kids call you
Bro. Bob or Bro. Joe instead of daddy.
25. If you can roll your eyes
from one side of the church to the other without moving
your head while the collection plate is being passed.
26. If you can close your
eyes and sing along with the congregation while thinking
about the notes of your sermon.
27. You wake up on Tuesday
morning and think it is Sunday and then panic because you
can't remember what your sermon is about.
28. Folks keep you waiting at
their door while they hide the beer and girlie magazines
and change the cable channel. submitted by Ralph Walker;
tnspider@aol.com
29. Amazing Grace is what
gives you the ability to keep working.
30. You keep relating movies
you've seen to sermon topics.
31. You answer your home
phone St. ?'s (insert name).
32. You took a psych test
and you flunked. #29-32 submitted by
Robin Hawker
33. Your children are the
worst kids in the church!
34. Your kids ask when church
will be over, and you know the time!
35. Your kids know they will
always be in church when the door opens!
36. Your vacation times are
always planned around church conferences!
37. Your only vacations are
at church conferences! #33-37
submitted by Marilyn Osborne;
mosborne@lci.org
38. The teacher asks your
son, 'What is your father's job?' And he said: "MY
FATHER DOESN'T WORK!" submitted
by Luis Orlando Acero; orarero@hotmail.com
39. When you find yourself
in your office swarmed by people from your congregation
asking, "When can we start on the repairs: How much
should I make this check out for: When is it my turn to
teach Sunday School." Then you wake up.
submitted by Randy Holloway
40. available.... |