RULES
Movies-What
to do if...
(Follow
them or DIE!!!!!!!)
"There are
certain rules one must abide by in
order to
successfully survive a horror movie.
For instance,
number one... no sex!
Big no,
no! Big no, no! Sex =Death
Ok? Number
two....Never drink or do drugs.
The sin
factor, its a sin!
Its an extension
of number one!
And number
three...
Never ever-ever,
under any circumstances say
I'll be
right back
-cause you
wont be back."
4.) Never
baby-sit on Halloween Night.
5.) If you
break the above rule, never ever
invite your
boyfriend over
6.) Never
go to check on your friends....we all
know what
has happened to them already
7.) If you
are a female, never show your breasts, easy women are expendable.
And to go with that rule,
don't wear
shirts that reveal your breasts really well, or one that your nipples show
through...not a good idea.
8.) DO NOT
go into the dark room.
9.) Stay
a virgin, trust me, you will survive
10.) Don't
go burying your dead pets in foreign cemeteries, because if
it didn't
work for the Creeds, it sure as hell won't work for you.
11.) Don't
answer the phone!
12.) Never
go outside to investigate a strange noise.
13.) Never
just stand there crying, mourning the loss of
dead friends,
RUN YOU TWIT! You may be next!
14.) Never
unmask the killer, it will only piss them
off more.
15.) If
you are a janitor....quit!
You are
usually one of the first people suspected.
16.) Don't
hide in the closet...that's the first place
they look!
17.) When
it seems that you've killed the monster,
never check
to see if it's really dead.
18.) Don't
go back into the house or go into a house you
think a
murderer might be! What, are you stupid or
something?
19.) Never
have sex in the
bunk-beds
of recently renovated
summer camps.
It's a sure way
to give
you a most unpleasant death.
20.) Never
walk backwards, you will either run into the
killer or
the dead body of a friend or loved one
21.) If
you are home alone and hear a noise coming from
another
room or outside your window, don't assume it's
just the
house settling or the wind.
22.) When
something bad is chasing you, bear in mind that
when you
try to start your car, no matter how reliable
the vehicle
is normally, you'll have to crank the
engine over
many times before it will fire up.
23.) If
you are planning to do something
evil or
vindictive at your prom...
don't go!
You will surely get killed!
24.) Do
not search the basement, especially when the
power has
just gone out.
25.) If
you're a male, get out of there as fast as possible!
The only
one who ever survives is a female.
26.) If
the phone lines are dead, and you hear footsteps
upstairs,
when your supposed to be alone, don't follow
the noises
to see who your "guest" is . LEAVE
IMMEDIATELY.
Unless you want to die!!
27.) Don't
trust ANYONE!
28.) If
you stumble across the body of a dead friend, do
not go looking
for the rest of your friends, because
they're
probably dead.
29.) When
going down the basement stairs, (You will...
you ARE
in a horror film, right?) always send your
little brother/sister/grandpa/grandma
down first;
this'll
tell you if something's hiding under the steps.
30.) If
you plan to lose your virginity at summer camp or
while a
psycho killer is on the loose, well, at least
you'll die
happy.
31.) Don't
open the closed door, curtain, window or anything, especially if you hear
scratching,
heavy breathing, or any other strange
noises from
the other side.
32.) Never
pick up the phone and call for help, chances are
your phone
will be dead and the next thing you'll see
is the monster
swinging some sort of sharp object.
33.) If
you hear weird music start to play, run like hell.
34.) If
you answer the phone and hear someone breathing
heavy on
the other end, never assume it is your boyfriend playing a trick on you.
And never, never, never, say "come on over, my parents are gone for the
weekend."
35.) While
in a horror film,
never bathe,
especially
when in the house alone.
36.) Self-sacrifice
is a bad idea, as the person you saved
will usually
die anyway.
37.) If
you're not a main character, suicide is a quicker
and easier
way out.
38.) Never
enter a home that you've either heard a scream
from or
there is no sign of life when there should be
39.) If
you are a child, don't panic! Monsters only attack
overly horny
teenagers. Children can NOT be killed in
a movie,
but there are 3 things that can happen to you...
A.) possessed
or absorbed
B.) you
will kill someone and when you become a
horny teenager,
you will get killed
and C.)
if you do get killed, you will get your revenge somehow.
So cheer
up!
40.) Your
dog can take care of itself...
41.) So
can your spouse...
42.) And
your kids.
43.) When
you have the benefit of numbers,
never pair
off or go off alone.
44.) When
your flashlight batteries die, and they will,
so will
you.
45.) If
the young girls of the neighborhood sing songs
about the
town boogie man while jumping rope, consider moving.
46.) Never
try to kill a monster the same way it was done
before.
(This must cause something real, real bad
because
no one ever tries it.)
47.) If
you set the monster on fire, or he is set on fire,
he will
not die but instead try and fight you while he
is on fire,
or come back to kill your children in their
dreams.
48.) Turning
around in general is a bad idea, as the monster
is usually
waiting right there for you
49.) Carry
weapons with you at all times, no matter what or
where you
are going!
50.) Always
use the buddy system. Also, make sure that your
buddy is
slower, weaker, or dumber than you are.
51.) Never
ever engage in any sexual activities
52.) If
you have broken the above rule, never go out
of the room
and leave your partner, you'll both
be dead
within a few minutes.
53.) Never
buy your kids a toy that talks back.
54.) Never
watch a horror movie while you're in a
horror movie.
You might give the psycho who is
about to
kill you, an idea how to do so
55.) Falling
asleep is a very bad idea.
56.) Pigs
blood is not now, nor has it ever been, funny.
57.) Remember,
the hot teenage babe you're having sex with
will eventually
turn into either a vile demon or your
dead grandmother,
so be quick and keep your eyes closed.
Or just
enjoy it while you can because you'll get up
to get something,
and die...and soon after she will too
58.) Never
marry anyone named Michael, Jason, Freddy, or Carrie
Just to
be on the safe side...ya know;)
59.) If
you're running from the monster, expect to trip
or fall
down at least twice, more if you are female.
(Horror
movies are sexist aren't they?...Then why do I
watch them?;)
Also note that, although you are running
and the
monster is merely shambling along, it's still
moving fast
enough to catch up with you.
60.) If
you have followed all these rules,
and you
have survived the first horror movie you are in....
sorry to
be the one to break the news to you but...
you will
die in the next one!
Back
to the top
Rules
to follow if you're...
Home
Alone (65%)
Babysitting
(47%)
At
a Party (45%)
Back
to the Killer SCREAM Page