Dear Poirot:

My girlfriend recently decided to become a nudist. What should I do?
-Guy.

Dear Guy:
Send pictures so I can better understand that problem.


Dear Poirot:

The super dog I created in my evil lab of horrors has gone bezerk. He has been eating: neighbors, Canadians, Toyotas, and giant super computers that play chess really good. Since he can fly, he has brought some planes down. He also taken 3 models captive till his mighty dog demands are met. What should I do?
- Crazy Mad Scientist

Dear CMS: Supra.


Dear Poirot:

Why do keep watching me? -You Know Who

Dear you:
I haven't been watching you, you have been watching me. So I had to watch you watch me, watching you, watching me, watching you, watching me, watching you, watching me, watching you, watching me, watching you, watching me, watching you, watching me, watching you, watching me, watching you, watching me....

Dear Poirot:

Is it true your brother got asked directions to a strip club from members of N'Sync.?
-Eher

Dear Eher:
Yes. After they were gambling at a casino which my brother was a valet driver for, they asked for directions to a specific strip club. Explains why Justin likes Britney.

8-9-01

Dear Poirot, that crazy conspiracy guy:

My neighbors are pretty annoying, playing loud music, letting their kids run a muck all over the neighborhood. My question is, what should I do about it?
-P.O. in da subs 6-22-01

Dear P.O:

This is what they want you to think. By "they", I mean your neighbors. With all these distractions, you can't think about whats really going on. YOUR NEIGHBORS ARE COMMIES! They are trying to take over one neighborhood at a time, until we are all reds. They are makin' you go crazy, then they are going to program you to become a communist! It all make perfect sence!

Dear Poirot, that crazy conspiracy guy:

I'm really attracted to this girl at my job, and she does flirt with me. Should I ask her out or not?
-Wondering Fool in the Subway, 6-22-01

Dear Wondering Fool:

This girl probably wants your job, and your money. Don't do anything! Quit that job at once! If you ask her out, she could file a sexual haressment suit against you, and take all your money. Then she could your job making subs while are working for her the rest of your life. Listen to me, they don't call me "Hercule Poirot" because I just randomly picked the name from a Agatha Chistie book.

Dear Poirot, that crazy conspiracy guy:

I recently won a large sum playing the lottery, and my family & friends wont stop asking for money. I want to save the money so when I have kids they can go to college. I also want to get submarine. What should I do?
-Wantin' a sub, 6-22-01

Dear Subby:

I know what your really gonna use that sub for, so can spy on me when I'm fishing. I'm on to your evil plan! If thats not your evil plan... Tell your family & friends that you gave the money to a smart internet advice giver, or me, or charity. Then say your job requires you to move to the south pole. But here is the trick, move to the NORTH pole. Besides, no whatter what/where you do/go, the goverment knows!