Replies to Stupid Tatt Questions

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What is that thing?
	Its an encoded message so that my body can always be identified.
	It's Sanskit for "Satan Lives Within"
	It's a duck. Or, It's the "Celtic Squid of Life" (asked about an abstract tribal tattoo).
	What thing? Where? (look) AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
	My reward for spanking your mother with a hairbrush.
	It was an inititation ritual for the suicide cult I just joined.
	I dunno, it happened when I was abducted by aliens.
	It's a birth defect. I'd rather not talk about it, it makes me self-conscious.
Did it hurt?
	Well, it felt like having your skin flayed off, a millimeter at a time.
	Only for about the first hour, then you get so delirious you can't feel a thing!
	No, I just like the feeling of 1800 puncture wounds being made every minute.
	Yes. (Followed by a dead stare at the questioner).
	Yes, but my life is pain.
	I don't remember, I was too busy screaming.
	Not as much as looking at you.
	Yes, I live in excruciating pain.
	I've had other people hurt me more (accompanied by evil grin).
	No, I was born without nerve endings.
	Well, after I fainted from all the blood loss ...
	After the gangrene set in, I couldn't feel a thing!
	No, did it hurt when they removed your brain?
	No, actually I found it rather stimulating.
	It probably hurts you more to look at it.
	No more than my _______ (insert any other bodmod here).
	If it doesn't hurt, what's the point?
	I don't remember, I was too busy bleeding.
	Yeah...and it tastes just like chicken.
	No, being dragged naked down a gravel road at 55mph behind a GMC pickup hurts though. Takes a little longer to heal, too.
	Not as much as the first seven did.
	Did it hurt when your mamma dropped you on your head?
	What do you think? Oh, sorry, didn't mean to bring up a sore subject...
	Well, it all depends on how you deal with pain, now does't it? (accompanied by a sweet, innocent smile usually does the trick)
	Yes, I have to take pain killers for it twice a day.
Why did you do it?
	Because I had a boil lanced and needed to cover the scar.
	To cover up that hideous 666 birthmark.
	I got it in prison for killing someone who asked too many questions.
	I am a walking piece of art, and since you are viewing me, you are certainly welcome to make a donation to increase the capacity of this museum's stores.
	The body is a temple. Have you ever seen an unadorned temple?
	I had it done in the midst of a three-week speed, heroin, and acid binge.
	I'm sorry, it's a secret.
	If you don't know already, it just wasn't meant to be.
	If I told you, I'd have to kill you.
	Jesus told me to.
	No reason in particular, I was just bored.
	Just so that my very existence would be offensive to the likes of you.
	The witness protection program told me it would be a good idea to change my image.
	I get a new one every time I go across the equator.
	I get a new one every time I 'go across the equator', if you know what I mean.
	The Devil made me do it (in a suitable graveyard voice).
	I had to one-up my little sister/brother/best friend.
	It was part of the initiation.
	It was a dare.
	Someone told me it was a good way to meet men/women.
	If I'd known I would have to answer all these dumb questions, I might have reconsidered.
	I was tired of lurking on rec.arts.bodyart .
	The voices told me to ... don't you hear them?
	The voices told me to ... have they sent you?
	The voices told me to ... (then clutch your head and repeatedly shout, "Get out of my head!", or "Leave me alone!")
	I dunno, why'd you get that haircut?
	I'm a victim of fashion.
	I wanted to look more like a Republican.
	Wait a minute - I thought YOU knew!
That's permanent, you know ...
	No, it comes off with sandpaper and a good wire brush.
	It is? Uh oh.
	For the price I paid, it better be.
	That's what the guy in the shop said, but I didn't believe him.
	Duh.
	I hope so, after all the time it took!
	So's a nose job, maybe you should consider one.
	Yep. But I'm getting the rest of my skin lasered off next week.
	Well, at least until the leprosy reaches that part.
	So's your plain skin.
	Yep, but that's OK, because I'm killing myself next Thursday at 2:45.
	Is anything in life truly permanent?
	That's what they said about Elvis.
	So is ignorance.
	So is being boring.
	A lot of people think that's a problem - but who knows, I might get hit by a bus tomorrow. The 'rest of my life' might not be that long.
	No shit? There ought to be a sign or something in the tattoo parlor.
Is that real?
	Yes, but only the outline. I colored the rest with crayons.
	No, it's one of those stick-on ones.
	You're welcome to try to rub it off (especially if near breast or other excitable appendage).
	That depends, how exactly do you define 'reality'?
	No, it is a figment of your obviously warped imagination.
	I don't know what you're talking about, there's nothing there! (Then shrug and walk away)
	Sure - are you?
	No, it's a new magic trick I'm practicing.
What did your parents say?
	Is that some sort of infected cut? (literal truth - one mom asked that of an ankle tat).
	They only shrieked as the car spun out of control and careened off the embankment.
	I was genetically engineered and grown in a beaker. My lab tech thinks it's cool, though.
	Hey, they told me to do what I like with the inheritance from Grandma.
	My mom forced me to get it.
	Dear God, Nooooooooooooooooo!
	My dad stabbed me, but that's ok, because my mom dropped the gun when she saw the blood.
	My mom held my hand while they did it.
	Well, they're dead.
	I ate them.
	Parents? I was raised by dingos.
	Nothing. They still haven't gotten over my leather fetish.
	And for your next birthday, how about a motocycle?
	So what do you think [insert name of person presently asking] will say?
	Well that was stupid!
	Nothing, after I cut out their tongues.
	I didn't really pay attention. The t.v. was on.
	I couldn't understand my father, his mouth was full and his tongue busy (add wink here).
You must have been pretty drunk when you got that.
	Yep, and I saved two bucks 'cause I found my own needle in an alley!
	You know, everything seems more logical whey you're drunk/stoned.
	No, but I was when I slept with your daughter.
I would NEVER do that.
	I know.
	Good.
	Panzy!
	I would never wear that.
	So?
	So then it's a good thing you don't get possessed very often?
	And I'm sure there's a very good reason, isn't there? (accompanying bitchy smile usually confuses them)
	Only the lucky few hear the call (with a smile and wide eyed stare)
You're one of those freaks, aren't you?
	Yes.
	I play backup guitar for NIN.
	Trent Reznor is my idol.
	I want to be just like Jon Cobb when I grow up.
	Jealous?
	A second look is better than none at all.
	Yeah, you won't believe the stigma that my (BS/BA/MBA/PhD/MD/other professional certificate or advanced degree) has left me with.
	And you are ... (while extending hand and grinning manaically)
Isn't there some sort of health risk?
	Naah, the guy got a brand new guitar string right from the package in front of me.
Won't you regret that when you're 80?
	At eighty, I think what I shall regret are the things I always wanted to do and never did; the experiences I denied myself because I was too concerned about others' opinions, or too anxious for their approval; but I think I would regret most a life wasted living as someone who was not me... (Special thanks to Tatrat for that one)
	No worse than my tits will look when I'm eighty, I imagine.
	Mine's high up on my thigh so anyone who'd see it would be getting pretty personal ;)
	Well it was either this or redraw it every day for 60 years...
	That's the great bonus - it will hide liver spots!
	What?!? You mean they *don't* fade?? Oh f---
	God no! By then I hope it will be much more elaborate.
	I don't know, will you still like your face?
	Sure I will! Now *90* is another story...
	You know, that's the sad thing - I hate it *now*. Ah well, live and learn.
	Hey, if someone still wants to look at me there when I'm 80, I'm going to be very happy indeed (this one depends upon placement, obviously).
	I'm hoping to die young.
	Life is too short to be ordinary.
	Will you still like me when I'm 80?
	Will you still like your spouse when you're 80?
	Will you still like having sex when you're 80?
	Will I still be ALIVE when I'm 80?
	If I did things ONLY if I knew I'd still like it when I turned 80, I would end up being just like you!

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