BLONDE JOKES! Why don't blondes eat peanut butter? Because they get their heads stuck in the jar.- Why do blondes wear underwear? To keep their ankles warm. How do you kill a blonde? Put spikes in her shoulder pads. Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid? Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little envelope. Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall? To see what was on the other side. What do blondes and cow pies have in common? The older they get, the easier they are to pick up. Why do blondes like tilt steering? More head room. How does a blonde turn on the light after sex? She opens the car door. What do blondes and turtles have in common? Once they're on their backs, they're fucked. What's the mating call of a blonde? I think I'm drunk. What's the mating call of a brunette? Is that damn blonde gone yet? Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? That's where you wash vegetables. Why does a blonde have T.G.I.F. written on her shoes? Toes go in first. What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common? They both have black boxes. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They're empty from the neck up. What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back. How do you give a blonde a brain transplant? Blow in her ear. How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle? Shine a flashlight in her ear. What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt? A brain tumor. Why don't blondes use vibrators? Because it chips their teeth. What's the advantage to being married to a blonde? You can park in the handicapped zone. What does a blonde do first thing in the morning? She goes home. Why did the blonde cross the road? Never mind that, what was she doing out of the kitchen? Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress? To keep her neck warm. How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday? Tell her a joke on Friday. What do you call a brunette between two blondes? An interpreter. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball. If a blonde and a brunette both jumped off a building at the same time, who would land first? The brunette . . . the blonde would have to stop and ask directions. What do you call a blonde with a loonie on her head? All you can eat for under a buck. How can you tell when a blonde has been using your computer? There's white out on the screen. What did the blonde call her pet zebra? Spot. How is a blonde different from a 747? Not everyone has been in a 747. How is a blonde like spaghetti? They both squirm when you eat them. A smart blonde, dumb blonde and a ghost are on a treasure hunt. Who will find the treasure first? The dumb blonde - we all know there's no such thing as smart blondes and a ghost. How do you know when a blonde has had a bad day? Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she's done with her pencil. What's the difference between a blonde and a cheap hooker? There's some things a cheap hooker won't do. How do you pierce a blonde's ears? Put pins in her shoulder pads. How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? Five. One to make the batter, four to peel the M&M's How do you keep your blonde secretary occupied? Give her a bag of M&M's and tell her to alphabetize them. What do blondes and computers have in common? You don't appreciate them until they go down on you. What do you call it when a blonde drives down the street with her head out the window? Refueling. What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? 1969's hide and seek champion. What does a blonde say after sex? Who are you guys? Why did they find a blonde on the roof? She heard drinks were on the house. What do you call a blonde that has dyed her hair black? Artificial intelligence. Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? She kept throwing away the W's. What do blondes put around their neck to look sexy? Their ankles. Why was the blonde so thrilled when she completed the puzzle in six months? The side of the box said up to three years. Why do blondes have black and blue belly buttons? Because blonde guys are just as dumb. Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? They're too hard to retrain. How does a blonde practice safe sex? She locks the car door. What do you call 7 blondes standing side by side? A wind tunnel. Why are blonde jokes so simple? So that brunettes can understand them. How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? None . . . they screw in cars. Did you hear about the blonde who had an abortion because she didn't know if the baby was hers? Why did the blonde have square boobs? Have you ever seen a round Kleenex box? Why can't blondes fart? Because they never stop talking long enough to build up any pressure. Why can't blondes use birth control pills? They keep falling out. What do you call nine blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring. What do you call a blonde with an IQ of 50? Gifted. What do you call a blonde with four legs? A Golden Retriever. What is the difference between Bigfoot and a smart blonde? There are confirmed sightings of Bigfoot. How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool. What do you call a blonde with a balloon on each shoulder? Triplets. What was the blonde doing up in the tree? Raking leaves. Did you hear about the blonde who wanted personalized license plates? She changed her name to OZR 482. Did you hear about the blond. who was driving to Calgary and saw a sign that said "Clean Restrooms Ahead"? By the time she got there she had cleaned 74 -of them. Did you bear about the blond who went to the doctor and said "For all the good that suppository did, I might as well have shoved it up my ass How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? Fertilized. Why did God invent the orgasm? So blondes would know when to stop. A blonde took her baby to the doctor to get it's diaper rash checked. The doctor said, "That's the worst case of diaper rash I've ever seen. How often to you change the baby's diapers?" The blonde said, "well, the package says they're good for 12-14 pounds." Did you hear about the blonde that was so stupid that even the other blondes noticed? Did you hear about the brunette, the redhead, and the blonde sitting in the gynecologist's office? The brunette said that her baby was going to be a boy because she was on the bottom during sex, the redhead commented that her baby was going to be a girl because she was on top during sex. The blonde said "Does that mean I'm going to have puppies?" Did you hear about the blonde who joined an organization called DAM? "Mothers Against Dyslexia Did you hear about the blonde that flunked her driving test? Every time the car came to a stop she got in the back seat. Did you hear about the two blondes that drove to California? They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" so they turned around and went home. Why can't blondes be pharmacists? They can't get the bottle in the typewriter. What's the definition of eternity? Four blondes at a Four-way stop. What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean? An air pocket. What to you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar. How are blondes like rocks? You skip the flat ones. What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez Canal? One is a busy ditch. What do you call 25 blondes in a freezer? Frosted flakes. What to you call a brunette, a blonde, a blonde and a blonde? Regular price, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, 4 bucks.