The Mystery of Prayer

The Mystery of Unanswered Prayer

3 Lent 07 C

This is the third part of my sermon series on the “Mystery of Prayer.” The first week I talked about the mystery of prayer and the nature of God. Last week I talked about the mystery of answered prayer. This week I want to talk about the mystery of unanswered prayer.

One author I read said that most people understand prayer only at about a 5-year-old level.

Johnny, a very bright 5 year old, told his daddy he'd like to have a baby brother and, along with his request, offered to do whatever he could to help. His dad, a very bright 35 year old, paused for a moment and then replied, “I’ll tell you what, Johnny, if you pray every day for two months for a baby brother, I guarantee that God will give you one!"

Johnny responded eagerly to his dad's challenge and went to his bedroom early that night to start praying for a baby brother.

He prayed every night for a whole month, but after that time, he began to get skeptical. He checked around the neighborhood and found out that what he thought was going to happen, had never occurred in the history of the neighborhood. You just don't pray for two months and then, whammo- a new baby brother. So, Johnny quit praying. After another month, Johnny's mother went to the hospital. When she came back home, Johnny's parents called him into the bedroom. He cautiously walked into the room, not expecting to find anything, and there was a little bundle lying right next to his mother. His dad pulled back the blanket and there was -- not one baby brother, but two!! His mother had twins!

Johnny's dad looked down at him and said, "Now aren't you glad you prayed?"

Johnny hesitated a little and then looked up at his dad and said, "Yes, but aren't you glad I quit when I did?"

Like little Johnny, our understanding of prayer can be so simplistic that we can become disillusioned when our prayers are not answered in the way we want.

Member of a church in Chicago said one time, “Since God didn’t answer all those prayers, I’m not going to bother Him with another request again. What’s the use? I don’t want to be hurt one more time!” The woman was bitter and whether justified or not, her attitude was certainly understandable.

Her young pastor had been diagnosed with cancer. His congregation took their responsibility to pray for him seriously. They signed up for round-the-clock prayer so that at least one person was praying for him twenty-four hours a day. Additional prayer meetings were scheduled. The deacons anointed him with oil and prayed. Some fasted and prayed for days on end, beseeching God to heal him.

When he went into the hospital for treatment, some believers came to him with the assurance that he would be healed. God had shown them that this miracle was His will, they said, and He had confirmed it by giving the same assurance to several people independently.

Even when he collapsed into a coma, his wife and small children were assured that his sickness was not unto death. Though God would allow him to come unto the jaws of death, he would be delivered in the end.

But that was not to be.

He died, with his friends and family still full of faith that God would intervene and restore him to health. But unlike Lazarus, there was no earthly resurrection for this man.

Perhaps you can understand the disillusionment and even betrayal these church members felt. Over in the nursing home lived older people who had long since lost touch with reality. They no longer recognized their children; they longed for death, but it eluded them. Yet God took a young man with a life of fruitful ministry ahead of him, leaving behind a grieving young family and a sorrowing church.

If God doesn’t answer the concerted prayers of His people offered in the name of Christ and for His glory, why bother with prayer? Should we assume that prayer does not affect God?

When such prayers go unanswered, the easy response is to blame it on sin in the lives of the intercessors or on unbelief. But in the case of the pastor, that answer was too simplistic. He was a godly man who regularly asked God to search his heart to reveal any sin that needed to be confessed. Doubtless the congregation had its share of carnality, but no overt sin had gone unconfessed or unpunished. Hundreds who prayed for this man were Spirit-filled Christians who sought God for direction in their prayers.

What about unbelief? Christ could do no miracles in Capernaum because of the city’s unbelief. Could that be the reason God did not answer the many prayers for that pastor? Perhaps, but it is unlikely. People actually believed – firmly believed – that he would be healed.

In some cases, self-interest, asking with the wrong motive, is certainly a hindrance to prayer, but those who prayed for this man knew that his healing would contribute to the glory of God. They yearned that the medical doctors be proved wrong in their pessimistic diagnosis. What a witness his healing would have been to unbelievers, as well as to skeptical believers!

Where did the will of God fit into this scenario? The Apostle John wrote that prayers asked according to the will of God will be answered. I will talk about this subject next week.

In retrospect, it seems obvious that it was God’s will for that pastor to die. But how could the congregation have known that?

In my experience as a pastor I have come to believe that unanswered prayer is one of the most common stumbling blocks to spiritual growth. We’ve all begged and pleaded about situations that we know God could easily change; we have enlisted the prayer support of others and believed. But many times the heavens have remained silent. So the logical conclusion appears to be that God does not care.

God seems to tease us with promises that are too good to be true. And when we act on them, He does not always come through for us exactly as we think a loving, dependable God should. Thus our hopes, which are held aloft by His promises, are dashed to the ground by his apparently cruel indifference.

Philip Yancey quotes Barbara Sanderville, a young paraplegic, who put it vividly, “Knowing that God had the power to heal me but wouldn’t…made me very bitter. I would read Isaiah 53 and 1 Peter 2:24, and accuse God of holding the promise of healing before me like a piece of meat before a starving dog. He tempted me by showing me the potential but never quite allowing me to reach it.”

Who can calculate the hurt that overwhelms those who have prayed for a wayward child, only to learn that he was died in a tragic accident or drug overdose? Who can measure the pain of those who have besought God for healing or companionship of a marriage partner or harmony in their home? Yet these and a thousand other requests so often go un unanswered.

Some Christians are so disappointed with God that they don’t even want to get close to Him anymore. They stay a safe distance, fearing that their confidence will be shattered again.

In order for us to begin to understand the mystery of unanswered prayer we need to look at how God answers prayers. This is not meant to be a magic formula, but rather a way to get a handle on how God answers prayers.

Bill Hybels said one time, “God always knows the right answer to our requests: ‘No,’ ‘Slow,’ ‘Grow,’ or ‘Let’s go.’ I have decided to use the same memorable little outline with all of you that I use from time to time in my counseling sessions with individuals. It’s not original with me. I have to credit a pastor friend of mine for his insight on this subject. And admittedly at first the outline sounds trite. But let me develop it before you dismiss its value. If you’ve been praying and nothing seems to be happening, think on these statements with reference to unanswered prayer.”

Hybels explains it like this. If the request is wrong, God will say “No” to your request. If the timing is wrong, God might choose to say “Slow,” go slow; wait. If you are wrong—a distinct possibility for some of us—if something is amiss in your life, maybe God will choose, instead of granting your request, to say, “You need to grow.” But if the request is right and the timing is right and you are right, chances are God will say, “Let’s go,” and grant the request.

Let me develop these statements so you can apply them more effectively to your own situations as you pray.

If the request is wrong, God will say, “No.”

First, if the request is wrong, God will say “No.” There are such things as wrong or inappropriate prayer requests. You are aware of that, aren’t you? Three famous disciples during the time of Jesus—Peter, James and John—accompanied Jesus to the top of a high mountain, and there, all of a sudden, God’s full glory descended upon Jesus. The three disciples stood back in awe. They beheld the splendor of God just a few feet away. And they were so taken with Jesus’ transfiguration that they say, “Jesus, allow us to build shelters up here, and we’ll just live up here the rest of our lives, and we’ll bask in your glory.”

What was Jesus’ response, in a word, to their request? “No.” “No. I’m not going to grant that one, fellows. We’ve got work to do down in the plains, down where people live. We’re not just going to stay up here and bask in my glory. No. Wrong request.”

Do you see the point I’m making? The disciples were fully capable of making inappropriate requests of Jesus. And when the requests were wrong, Jesus said no.

Are you capable of making wrong requests to God? I am. I do. I probably will in the future. Are you capable of making requests that are totally self-serving? I am. Are you capable of making requests of God that are patently materialistic, convenience-oriented, shortsighted, and perhaps immature? I am. And our God loves us too much to say yes to wrong requests. If the request is wrong, God will answer the prayer, but his answer will be “No.” And you wouldn’t want God to do anything less.

By hindsight I can thank God for saying “No” to prayers I thought at the time were appropriate. On one occasion I prayed for God to allow me to become the rector of a particular church. He said no. Now by hindsight I say, “Thank you, thank you, thank you that you said no to that particular request.” That church, I found out, was known for chewing up rectors and spitting them out.

So if you have been praying diligently about a matter, and if you have sensed resistance from heaven, do you know what I would challenge you to do? Review your request. Your request may be the problem. Maybe the request is a cop-out on your part, an unwillingness to face a real issue. Maybe the request is destructive in ways you don’t understand. Maybe the request is self-serving. Maybe the request is shortsighted. Maybe the request is too small, and God might have something better in mind, and he’s saying no to this one because he has a better plan. But again because of our God’s omniscience and because of his great care for you, if the request is wrong, God will say no, at which point you should review the request or modify it or lay it to rest, let it go. If the request is wrong, God will say, “No.”

If the timing is wrong, God will say, “Slow.” Secondly, if the timing is wrong, God will say, “Slow.” Parents, have you noticed in your childrearing challenges that second only to the word “No,” the words “Not yet” rank as the most awful words in the English language to little children? You’re leaving on a 500-mile trip in the car. You are 15 miles from home and you slow for a toll booth. And the kids say, “Are we there yet?” And you say, “Not yet.” And they groan and complain, “Oh, no. Come on, Dad, hurry it up!” You think, It’s going to be a long trip.

Oh, how children hate those words! “Not yet.” And guess what, there’s a child in all of us, isn’t there? The child in all of us still wants God to meet every need, to grant every request, to move every mountain. When? Now! Maybe yesterday, actually. And when the all-knowing, all-wise, loving Heavenly Father deems it best to say very caringly to his children, “Not yet,” what is our mature, adult response? “But God, I want it right now, right now! You don’t understand how badly I need this right now! Not three years from now, not three months from now, not three weeks from now, not three days from now. Read my lips as I pray to you, God. I want it now, now, now!”

And let it be known that God is no more intimidated by our childish fixation on instant gratification than our wise parents were. He simply chooses from time to time to shake his head at our immaturity and say, “Kick and scream, but not yet.” How essential it is for you to understand that God’s delays are not necessarily God’s denials. How essential it is for you to understand that often God isn’t saying no, he is merely saying, “Not quite yet. Trust me. I know what I’m doing. I have my reasons.” God says in Isaiah 55, “My ways are higher than your ways. You think that you are as wise as the Creator. It’s not entirely true.” It’s not even close to being true. You are the creature, I’m the creature, He’s the Creator. “My ways are higher than your ways; my thoughts are higher than your thoughts. In my time,” God says, which is one reason why God encouraged people to pray and not lose heart, because sometimes our requests are okay. What you are asking for is good and proper and right. But for reasons known only to God, he simply chooses occasionally to say, “I’ll grant it, but in my time.”

Again, I can’t tell you how many times I thought my prayers were going unanswered only to find out later that God was saying, “Not yet,” so that he could carefully orchestrate a greater miracle than I had the faith to pray for in the beginning.

When I first went to seminary I did it without being sent by a bishop. I prayed that God would open the door for me to go into the Episcopal ordained ministry when I graduated. I got turned down by one bishop, got accepted by another bishop, but had to go to seminary again. After completing seminary I had to wait another two years to get ordained a deacon. Many of the things that happened in that waiting period prepared me for the journey that has led me here.

People, please be careful in insisting that you know better than God just when a prayer request should be granted. God has his reasons for his “Not yets.” Among them are such concerns as the possibility of you developing some character, some endurance, some trust, some patience, or some submission, while God is orchestrating the timing of the answer to prayer. As human beings we tend to be much more concerned about comfort and convenience than we are about building character through patiently waiting on and trusting in God’s timing. I think God is a whole lot more concerned about character than he is about instant gratification and personal convenience. And sometimes the prayers that are sweetest to have answered are the ones that you have trusted to God for a long, long time.

If the request is wrong, God will say “No.” You’d better change the request or let it go. If the timing is wrong, our loving God will say, “Just slow down. Not yet. In my time.”

If you are wrong, God will say, “Grow.” If you are wrong, the third statement God will say, is “Grow.” This is a rather sobering statement, isn’t it? If you are wrong. What does that mean? I mean, isn’t it a lot easier to point the finger at God for not answering prayer than it is to look in the mirror and to say, “Maybe I’m the problem.” Over the years I have counseled a number of people on the mystery and the agony of unanswered prayer. Few if any have come to me and said honestly, “Fr. Roger, might it be me who is the obstacle to the miracle that I’m praying for?”

It’s almost always, “You explain to me why God isn’t moving my mountain.” It’s just human nature. I’m not trying to lay a trip on you. It’s just easier to point the finger of accusation at God than it is to look in the mirror and take a spiritual inventory and say, “Maybe it’s me.”

Psalm 66:18 says if I regard sin in my heart, in other words, if I’m leading a life of disobedience to God, the Lord will not hear my prayers. Pretty well says it, doesn’t it? Matthew 5:23-24 warns that if there is relational discord, if there are private wars going on between people, if there are broken friendships, Jesus says it cuts us off from close fellowship with God. He continues in that passage by saying, “Drop everything and attempt to reconcile those relationships. Then go back to the altar and worship and pray.” If those passages aren’t sobering enough, listen to this paraphrase from I Peter 3: “Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way. Grant them honor so that your prayers won’t be hindered.” Gulp! Now that may explain a lot of things right there. Of course, vice versa is true too. “Wives, live with your husbands in an understanding way. Honor them so that your prayers won’t be hindered.”

God says, “Why should I honor your requests when you don’t honor mine? Where is the integrity, fellows? Where is the integrity, ladies?” If the truth were known, often the only obstacle standing in the way of you receiving your desperately needed miracle is you. It’s you. It’s me. The requests aren’t always wrong. Most of them are probably right. The timing isn’t necessarily the biggest problem. I think God is rather easygoing about some timing matters. He has a heart inclined to meet our requests. But when we’re wrong, God says, “Come on, grow, grow. Put that sin away. It’s the only thing standing in the way. Change your attitude on this or that. Stop that practice. End that pattern. Get off that merry-go-round. Reconcile that relationship. Soften up in your spirit. Repent; receive forgiveness. Come on, grow, grow. It’s the only thing standing in the way!” And God says, “When you grow, I’ll open up the floodgates of power and blessing and pour myself out to you, but you’ve got to grow.”

And God is saying to us this morning that there is power in prayer. When the request is right, when the timing is right, and when you are right, “Let’s go!” He says, “Just let me release my power in your life; let me be great in you and through you; free me to address and meet your needs. Free me to do that. But you’ve got to grow.”

When the timing is right, God will say, “Let’s go!” I doubt any of us know how badly God wants to change that impossible circumstance in your life. I doubt that many of us understand just how badly he wants to touch that untouchable individual in your life. I’ll bet all of us underestimate how badly God wants to move immovable mountains that stand in our path.

If the request is wrong, God will say “No.” Thank him for saying that.

If the timing is wrong, he’ll say “Slow.”

If you are wrong, he will say “Grow.”

But when all of those get lined up, as it fits into the plans that he has for you and for this world, you’ll be amazed at how often God will say, “Let’s go,” because you matter to him and it’s in his heart to meet your needs and grant your requests. It’s really more a matter of you letting him, you freeing him to do it.