Prod. #VO202

XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS
"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"

Written by
Adam Armus & Nora Kay Foster

Directed by
T.J. Scott

Revised Pages: Set List, Chronology, 8, 10, 12, 13, 19, 20, 22-26, 30-35, 37, 42

Executive Producers
Sam Raimi & Robert Tapert

Renaissance Pictures
100 Universal City Plaza
Universal City, CA 91608
(818) 777-0088

SHOOTING DRAFT
April 14, 1996
Rev. April 17, 1996 Pink

XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS
"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"

CAST LIST

XENA
GABRIELLE
JOXER
ORPHEUS
BACCHUS
BACCHAE #1
THIEF #1
THIEF #2

Name said in Dialog:
EURYDICE (yor-RID-a-see)

SET LIST

INTERIORS:

BACCHUS' LAIR
ORPHEUS' HOUSE
VILLAGE HALL
CATACOMBS
DEEPER IN CATACOMBS
ELSEWHERE IN CATACOMBS
CATACOMBS/BOTTOMLESS PIT
CATACOMBS/ENTRANCE OF BACCHUS' LAIR

EXTERIORS:

WOODS
ANOTHER PART OF THE WOODS
PATH IN WOODS

PATH IN WOODS/ROCKY HILL/MOUNTAIN RIDGE MONTAGE
CAMP IN WOODS
COUNTRY ROAD
ROAD INTO ANTHISTERIA
VILLAGE OF ANTHISTERIA
HILLSIDE PATH
HILLSIDE
GRAVEYARD

CHRONOLOGY

DAY 1 SCENES # 1 - 8
NIGHT 1 SCENE # 9 - 18

DAY 2 SCENE #20
NIGHT 2 SCENES #21 - 33

DAY 3 SCENE #34

XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS

"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"

TEASER

BLACK SCREEN

Over which we HEAR someone running -- OUT OF BREATH.

FADE IN:

1 EXT. WOODS - SURREAL ANGLES - DAY

ON BOOTS

racing through the woods.

WIDEN TO REVEAL

the BACK of an UNKNOWN MAN, darting around trees and over bushes, as he tries to escape...

WOLVES

THREE of them, giving chase through the underbrush. With snarling jaws and dripping saliva, the Wolves are out for a kill.

As they gain ground on their intended victim, we:

DISSOLVE TO:

2 EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY

Gabrielle stands, bathed in sunlight, near the edge of the woods. She looks in, curiously. Behind her, and out of earshot, Xena speaks with a concerned VILLAGER. She nods, then crosses back to Gabrielle as the Villager scurries off.

GABRIELLE
What did he say?

XENA
Three more girls kidnapped from a neighboring
village. That brings the total to six.

GABRIELLE
Who would do this?

XENA
Shhh. Listen.

They stand quietly for a BEAT, listening to the SILENCE of the nearby woods.

GABRIELLE
I don't hear anything.

XENA
That's your answer. This is the
Bacchae forest.

GABRIELLE
Hunting grounds for Bacchus, the god of
wine, and his Bacchae followers..
(off Xena's nod; realizing)
Then we should hear Orpheus. His music
is said to tame the Bacchae.

XENA
And without it, these woods
aren't safe.

GABRIELLE
So you think the Bacchae took those
girls?

XENA
There's only one way to find out.

We FOLLOW Xena and Gabrielle into the woods with Argo.

CUT TO:

3 EXT. WOODS - DAY

Moments later, Xena and Gabrielle move cautiously through the woods.

GABRIELLE
Are the stories people tell about the
Bacchae really true?

XENA
Some are, some aren't. What've you
heard?

GABRIELLE
(launching into a story)
They say a single bite from a Bacchae
turns a young, innocent woman into a wild,
soulless creature whose only allegiance
is to Bacchus. Once bitten,
she's lured into his lair to drink his
blood. If she does, there's no way to
save her-- she becomes a Bacchae forever ...

DISSOLVE TO:

4 EXT. WOODS - ALL SURREAL ANGLES - DAY

Back on those same creepy woods. All looks quiet, as we hear:

GABRIELLE (O.S.)
... It's said that Bacchae women take
many forms... sometimes roaming the
forest as wolves...

Just then, Gabrielle's story comes to life, as we see the WOLVES, still in pursuit of the UNKNOWN MAN.

GABRIELLE (O.S.)
Driven by an unquenchable thirst for
blood, they track their intended
victim relentlessly...

The UNKNOWN MAN leaps a small boulder, barely ahead of the pursuing Wolves. In his arms he carries a BAG.

GABRIELLE (O.S.)
... until they corner him, and tear
him limb from limb.

As the Wolves close in on his heels, the Unknown Man runs for all he's worth, crashing through the undergrowth, as we:

CUT TO:

5 EXT. PATH IN WOODS - DAY

All is quiet as Xena and Gabrielle continue down the path.

GABRIELLE
If you ask me, the stories are exaggerated.
You know, made up to give people a
good scare --

Suddenly, the Unknown Man, JOXER, bursts out of the woods, CRASHING INTO Gabrielle and knocking her to the ground.

JOXER
Help! Wolves!

He sprints past Xena and UP A TREE. Just then, the Wolves bound out of the woods after him.

Xena pulls Gabrielle behind her as TWO of the Wolves surround them. A THIRD Wolf rushes to Joxer, now up the tree.

Xena grabs her BULLWHIP --

XENA
(to Gabrielle)
Stay behind me.

The Wolves close in on Xena, bearing their teeth. They circle, poised to strike. Meanwhile ...

Joxer, just out of reach, looks down at the Wolf who is barking and snarling.

JOXER
Ha! Outsmarted you! You brainless
flea-bitten mutt ...

-- In the middle of which, the branch he's on starts to BEND, dangling him dangerously close to the Wolf! It leaps, grabbing onto his boot.

JOXER
(panicky)
Uh ... Good doggy. Nice doggy ...

As he tries to shake himself free ...

Xena snaps her whip at the Lead Wolf, backing him off, but the Other Wolf advances. She counters with another whip snap, then finally lands a stinging blow to the Lead Wolf's snout. He whimpers, and the Wolves quickly scuttle off into the forest.

The Third Wolf, realizing he's alone, lets go of Joxer and follows the others.

Xena and Gabrielle cross to Joxer as he climbs down from the tree.

GABRIELLE
Joxer!? Are you all right?

JOXER
Me? Never better. Why do you ask?

XENA
Could've been that cry for help.

JOXER
Oh, that? All an act. The secret to
fighting a wolf pack is wearing 'em down.
I appeared defenseless to keep them on
the hunt. Actually, I had those
mongrels right where I wanted 'em.

XENA
(wry smile; then)
Uh-huh. So, what brings you to these
parts?

JOXER
A mission to save the world ... and you.

Xena looks puzzled as Joxer hands her the BAG.

JOXER
A package. From Orpheus to Xena.

XENA
(suspicious)
Orpheus?

Xena looks at the bag.

GABRIELLE
(re: the bag)
What is it?

JOXER
(glad to be rid of it)
Oh, I'd say it speaks for itself.

With that, Xena reaches inside the bag and pulls out

THE HEAD OF ORPHEUS

Eyes shut, face expressionless.

Gabrielle looks sick.

Xena holds it by the hair.

XENA
(pained)
Orpheus.

Just then, Orpheus' EYES POP OPEN and he lets out a BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM! Off this horror, we:

FADE OUT.

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

6 EXT. ANOTHER PKRT OF THE WOODS - DAY

Orpheus' SCREAM continues until he finds the word --

ORPHEUS
Ohhhhh! OUCH!

Joxer rushes over, taking Orpheus in his hands.

JOXER
Never pick him up by his hair.

Joxer looks at Orpheus, smoothing his hair.

JOXER
(he's done this before)
And he parts on the right.

Xena, not amused by Joxer's antics, focuses on Orpheus.

XENA
Orpheus. What happened?
(then; realizing)
Bacchus did this to you.

ORPHEUS
I thought you'd recognize his
handiwork.
(then)
Since we last met, I pledged my life
to stopping Bacchus. And for a long time,
my music worked. But now he's cursed
me. He took my body, but left me eyes
and ears to see and hear all of the horror
he brings to the world. For as long as
Bacchus lives on earth, I will live
in agony.

GABRIELLE
Then it was Bacchus who took those
innocent girls ...

ORPHEUS
Yes. And tomorrow night, he'll make
them full-fledged Bacchae.

JOXER
(Jumping in)
Unless we stop him. That's where I fit
in. Orpheus and I have a plan to
settle the score with that bloodsucker.

ORPHEUS
(to Xena; re: Joxer)
This incompetent was my only hope of
finding you.
(to Joxer)
You can go now. Run along.

JOXER
He doesn't mean that.
(aside; to Gabrielle)
Underneath it all, he's a likable
guy. He's just got a big chip on his
... uh, you know what I mean.

XENA
(confirming; to Orpheus)
You want my help.

ORPHEUS
I've hated you for a long time, Xena.
And you're the last person I'd ask
for a favor. But you're the only one
who knows Bacchus well enough to do the job.

XENA
(considering; then)
Do you still have your lyre?

ORPHEUS
I've kept it hidden in town with my
friend Melodus. He can play it while I sing.

XENA
Knowing Bacchus, it won't be safe for
long. Come on.

ORPHEUS
(stopping her)
Not so fast, Xena. I want to remind
you there are innocent lives at stake.
Maybe this time you'll be more careful.

Xena gives Orpheus a hard look; she's heard it before.

XENA
(to Joxer; re: Orpheus)
Find a way to make him presentable,
then we'll go.

Joxer and Orpheus exit. Gabrielle turns to Xena.

GABRIELLE
(re: Orpheus)
What was that all about?

XENA
My army fought Bacchus a long time ago.
The day of the final battle, an innocent
woman was caught between my army And Bacchus'
forces. The fighting was fierce. We
couldn't protect her, and she was killed.
I'm sure it was Bacchus who killed her,
but Orpheus has always blamed both of US.
(off Gabrielle's curious look)
That woman was Orpheus' wife.

Of Gabrielle's surprised look, we:

DISSOLVE TO:

7 INT. BACCHUS' LAIR - DAY

CLOSE ON A FIRE, the only light in this otherwise dark, gloomy cave. Shadows play across jagged walls, as we PAN ACROSS to:

THREE SETS OF YELLOW EYES

in the darkness. They move CLOSER to the fire to reveal THREE WOLVES. The same ones seen earlier. The First Wolf suddenly MORPHS into a WILD-EYED YOUNG WOMAN, a Bacchae, seated by the fire (BACCHAE #1). As she turns, we SEE a WHIP MARK streaked across her face. This is Xena's work.

The Other Wolves cross to her and begin LICKING her wounded face. CLOSE ON the WHIP MARK as it miraculously disappears.

BACCHUS (O.S.)
Did you bring me the head of Orpheus?

In the SHADOWS, we SEE the silhouette of a large, hulking figure. This is BACCHUS.

Bacchae #1 bows in submission.

BACCHAE #1
No, Master. He got away.

BACCHUS
You fools! How could you let this
happen?!

BACCHAE #1
He and his idiot companion were
rescued ... by Xena.

BACCHUS
(intrigued)
Xena ... ? It's been too long...
(then)
She must have taken Orpheus back for
the lyre. Call the others. I have a
little job for you.

DISSOLVE TO:

8 EXT. ROAD INTO ANTHISTERIA - DAY

Gabrielle and Joxer follow Xena (and Argo). Up ahead, A MARDI GRAS-LIKE FESTIVAL spills out of the village gates and onto the road. Gabrielle notices --

GABRIELLE
A festival. Looks like fun.

JOXER
Yeah. Every year the villagers dress
up to scare away the Bacchae. They
give a prize for the best costume.
(then)
Guess we know who's winning this year.

Joxer gestures in front of them to Xena, walking Argo. HOLD on Argo, then, PAN UP to SEE

ORPHEUS

His head is now atop a SCARECROW tied to Argo's saddle. He feels as ridiculous as he looks. Off his scowl, we:

DISSOLVE TO:

9 INT. ORPHEUS' HOUSE - NIGHT

Xena, followed by Gabrielle, Joxer and "Scarecrow" Orpheus, enter a room filled with assorted musical instruments.

ORPHEUS
(calling out)
Melodus?

No answer.

ORPHEUS
He must be in back.

Xena crosses to a CURTAIN separating a back room. She opens it and they PEER IN. What they see causes them to react in pain and anger --

ORPHEUS
(horrified)
No ... Melodus ...

XENA
I'm sorry.

JOXER
The Bacchae did this?

ORPHEUS
And they've taken the lyre.

XENA
From the looks of things, they were
just here.

Xena starts off. Gabrielle follows.

GABRIELLE
I'll go with you.

XENA
(stopping her)
No. I need you to protect Orpheus.
Without him, we don't stand a chance.

Xena rushes out and, off Gabrielle's distress:

DISSOLVE TO:

10 INT. ORPHEUS' HOUSE - NIGHT

Later, a worried Gabrielle looks out the window for a sign of Xena.

In the b.g., Joxer peruses the musical instruments with Scarecrow Orpheus.

JOXER
You play all these?

Joxer lifts one awkwardly, bumping it, making a NOISE.

ORPHEUS
Don't touch anything!

JOXER
Didn't anyone ever tell you playing
music is for sissies?
(then)
Sword-fighting, now there's a man's
hobby. When I was a kid I wanted to
take lessons, but ... "No, it's too
dangerous ..." My mother wanted me
to take music lessons. Can you
believe it? Me? A musician?

ORPHEUS
You can be a warrior and a musician.
I was.

JOXER
(sarcastic)
Right. And a Hydra makes a good
house pet.

Meanwhile, Gabrielle HEARS the faint SOUNDS of a MELODY playing outside. She looks outside to SEE:

THE VILLAGE HALL

VILLAGERS stream inside. A COUPLE of pretty YOUNG WOMEN seem to be pulling a THIRD WOMAN into the hall against her will.

Alarmed, Gabrielle quickly crosses past Joxer and Orpheus.

GABRIELLE
There's something I have to take care
of. I'll be right back.

JOXER
Gabrielle?!

Joxer starts to get Orpheus and follow her, but it's too late. She's out the door.

CUT TO:

12 INT. VILLAGE HALL - NIGHT

Gabrielle enters a room packed with Villagers dancing and carrying on. Wine flows, and the music is LOUD. She looks around, but sees no sign of the Woman in trouble. Alert to danger, she makes her way through the crowd, when...

A HIDEOUS BACCHAE startles her! She's about to scream when...

The Bacchae Face comes off, revealing a sweet, innocent Young Woman. It was only a MASK! The Young Woman laughs, then takes Gabrielle's hand and leads her to --

A Second Young Woman. As the music BLARES, the Women begin to dance seductively around Gabrielle.

As they get CLOSER, we NOTICE the Women wear IDENTICAL WOLF CHOKERS. Maybe they're not so innocent after all. They spin around Gabrielle, faster and faster, as we:

CUT TO:

13 EXT. HILLSIDE PATH - NIGHT

TWO OTHER YOUNG WOMEN, wearing those same WOLF CHOKERS, carry Orpheus' GOLDEN LYRE.

BACCHAE #1
(strumming the lyre)
Isn't it beautiful?

A few lovely NOTES SOUND from the lyre, until --

TWO THIEVES step in front of them, blocking their path.

THIEF #l
Need some help, ladies?

THIEF #2
Yeah. That hunk a' gold is too heavy
for pretty things like you...

The Bacchae exchange a wicked smile, then:

BACCHAE #1
How nice. Come closer and we'll let
you have it.

The Thieves trade a look: like candy from a baby. Thief #2 moves closer, grabbing Bacchae #1 by the waist.

He moves in for a kiss. But Bacchae #1 quickly MORPHS into HORRID BACCHAE! Her EYES burn with unholy light, her FANGS extend fully like a serpent's.

As Thief #1 reacts in horror, Bacchae #1 opens her jaws and attacks him viciously, slicing him up and propelling him into a tree.

Bacchae #1 and #2 turn their attention to Thief #2. They start towards him, about to strike, when...

Xena FLIES IN from a nearby BOULDER, landing a flying kick right at Bacchae #1, sending her sprawling. She quickly rolls to her feet, turns to Xena and SNARLS.

XENA
(to Bacchae #1)
That's a good look for you...

Thief #2 SPOTS the LYRE. Ever greedy, he sneaks towards it, as ...

Xena uses a quick martial arts combination against Bacchae #1.

Meanwhile, Bacchae #2 rushes her from behind, jumping on Xena, jaws wide. She's about to sink her teeth into Xena, as ...

Xena spins and we LOSE SIGHT OF Bacchae #2. Does she bite? Then, with all her strength, Xena flips her attacker, sending her flying on top of Bacchae #1, incapacitating them for the moment.

Thief #2 grabs the Lyre, racing up the hilly path towards the woods.

He glances back to check on his pursuers -- no one -- but as he turns back -- BACCHAE #1 IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM! He screams and does a quick about-face, but BACCHAE #2 is RIGHT THERE!

THIEF #2
(in shock)
What the ... ?

Before the Bacchae strike, HANDS grab Thief #2, and pull him away. The Bacchae quickly take the Lyre and escape into the dark woods. They're gone.

Thief #2, now safely with Xena, thankful to be alive --

THIEF #2
I gotta find a new line of work.

DISSOLVE TO:

14 INT. VILLAGE HALL - NIGHT

Joxer enters the hall to find the same crowded room of Masked Revelers. He holds a pole in his hands as he scans the room.

JOXER
(up the pole)
Do you see her?

PAN UP THE POLE to find Orpheus' head, scanning the room!

ORPHEUS
I don't see anything.
(then)
Wait. There she is. In the middle of
the room, with two women...

JOXER
(alarmed)
Just as I thought... Bacchae! Those
crafty little harlots don't fool me.

Joxer quickly shoves Orpheus' pole in the ground.

JOXER
I'm going after her. Don't move.

ORPHEUS
Funny.

JOXER rushes into the crowd. Meanwhile ...

Gabrielle is still dancing with the same Women. As they spin around, out of Gabrielle's view, we SEE what just might be their BACCHAE FANGS! Meanwhile ...

Joxer continues his way through the crowd. He SPOTS Gabrielle and the Women moving in on her. Joxer makes a beeline for her..

JOXER
(calling)
Gabrielle! I'll save you!

He pushes through the crowd, shoving people aside, drawing his sword ...

JOXER
Unhand her!

He arrives just in time to pull Gabrielle to safety.

GABRIELLE
(pulling away from him)
What are you doing?!

JOXER
Are you kidding? They were Bacchae!

GABRIELLE
(shaking her head)
Joxer, I'd know a Bacchae if I saw one.

They continue on towards --

ANOTHER PART OF THE HALL

Joxer and Gabrielle, now with Orpheus, meet up with Xena at the entrance to the hall.

ORPHEUS
(to Xena)
Did you get the lyre?

XENA
No. I found the Bacchae who took it,
but someone else got in my way.
(then)
Don't worry. We'll get it back.

JOXER
So, let me get this straight. First,
we find the lyre. Then, we find someone
to play it. Orpheus sings. The Bacchae
sleep. Meanwhile, the rest of us fight
Bacchus, kill him, then free the
innocent girls.

XENA
Exactly.

JOXER
Sounds easy enough.

ORPHEUS
Don't be a fool.
(to Xena)
Bacchus has the lyre safely in his
catacombs by now. If you go in
there, he'll kill you.

XENA
I'm willing to take that chance.

JOXER
I couldn't agree more. That's been
my strategy from the get-go. Stage
a frontal assault! Catch them off
guard, then...
(realizing; to Orpheus)
Run that "he'll kill you" part by
me again.

XENA
Don't worry, Joxer. You're not going.
(to Gabrielle)
Come on.

They start off. Joxer stops them.

JOXER
Wait a minute! If she's going, I'm
going. I assembled this team.
Without me, you guys are nothing!
(off her non-response)
Fine. My mistake. I guess you don't
need someone who ...
(dramatic)
PLAYS THE LYRE!

ORPHEUS
You?!

JOXER
I took the music lessons, all right?!

Xena and Gabrielle exchange a look.

GABRIELLE
You play the lyre?

JOXER
(looking around)
Hey. Don't advertise. I have a
reputation to maintain.

XENA
All right. Let's go.

She gestures for Joxer to follow. Elated, Joxer joins them.

JOXER
You won't be sorry.

As Xena turns to get Argo --

CLOSE ON XENA'S NECK

We SEE a BLOODY WOUND! Joxer REACTS. A BACCHAE BITE!!

JOXER
(aside; to Gabrielle)
Do you see that? Blood! On Xena's
neck! She's been bitten!

CLOSE IN on Gabrielle, EYES WIDE, as we:

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE