Prod. #76925

XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS
"Is There A Doctor In The House?"

Written by
Patricia Manney

Directed by
T.J. Scott

Revised Pages: 1-4, 9, 12, 12A, 24, 26, 32-35, 37, 44, 44A, 46

Executive Producers
Sam Raimi & Robert Tapert

Renaissance Pictures
100 Universal City Plaza
Universal City, CA 91608 (818) 777-0088

SHOOTING DRAFT
March 1, 1996
Rev. March 8, 1996 - Pink

XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS

"Is There A Doctor In The House?"

CAST LIST

XENA
GABRIELLE

EPHINY
GENERAL MARMAX
HIPPOCRATES
GALEN
DEMOCRITUS
THESSALIAN GUARD
POW LEADER
MITOAN WARRIOR
GANGRENE MAN
HEAD WOUND MAN
RUNNER
HYSTERICAL WOMAN
BLIND SOLDIER

Referred to in dialog:

BOEOTIA (bo-EE-sha)
MITOAN (Mi-TOE-an)
PEREUS (pe-REE-us)

SET LIST

INTERIORS:

TEMPLE - MITOAN AREA

THESSALIAN AREA
SIDE AREA
ALTAR
TRIAGE
RECOVERY AREA

EXTERIORS:

WOODS
CLEARING
TEMPLE STEPS

CHRONOLOGY

DAY 1 SCENES # 1 - 17
NIGHT 1 SCENES #18 - 27

DAY 2 SCENES #28 - 32

XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS
"Is There A Doctor In The House?"

TEASER

FADE IN:
EXT. WOODS - DAY

It's noon. But you'd never know it, because very little light permeates through the thick, black smoke wafting through the trees. The sound of men fighting echoes all around. XENA and GABRIELLE stealthily make their way through this bleak landscape. They crouch down near a clearing and watch an off-screen battle.

GABRIELLE
Maybe we should take the southern route.

XENA
(nods in the direction of the battle)
This is the shortest way to Athens.

GABRIELLE

Yeah, but there's a war going on here.

(looks at the raging battle and shakes her head in disgust)
It's so senseless.

XENA
This one's more senseless than most. It's a civil war. Brother against brother. That's Ares favorite kind of conflict.

GABRIELLE
Why are they fighting over this area?
There's nothing much around.

XENA
For the same reason we're here. That pass up ahead is the only way between Thessally and Mitoa. Whoever controls it, controls the war.

Our heroines hear a moaning nearby.

GABRIELLE
What was that?

Xena motions silently for each of them to approach the sound from the opposite direction. As Xena moves off, Gabrielle grabs her staff and guardedly moves in, while Xena comes around from the other side. The sound is louder now. Gabrielle raises her staff to defend herself, when she sees Xena kneeling next to a woman, examining her wound. It's EPHINY, distraught and weak, sitting on the ground against a tree. She has a nasty gash on her head.

GABRIELLE
Ephiny!

EPHINY
Gabrielle!

Gabrielle sits next to Ephiny and cradles her head in her lap. Xena grabs a leaf off a nearby bush, crumbles it between her hands and places it on the wound. Then she ties it to Ephiny's head with a rag she rips from Ephiny's outfit. That's when we notice that Ephiny is nine months pregnant.

XENA
(touching Ephiny's belly)
It's due soon.

EPHINY
Yes. I've already had some pains.

GABRIELLE
What are you doing here?

EPHINY
We were on our way to Athens. Phantes
and I wanted the baby to be born there.

XENA
Where is Phantes?

EPHINY
(pained)
He tried to find a safe way around the battle, but ...

She breaks off as the thought of what happened is just too painful.

XENA
What happened?

EPHINY
He was captured and killed by the
Mitoans.

Xena sits back in shock and anger.

GABRIELLE
When?

EPHINY
I've been hiding here for, I don't know, two, three days now. I can't tell anymore.

She buries her face in her hands, emotionally drained.

EPHINY
He died protecting me. Some Amazon, huh?

GABRIELLE
Don't blame yourself, Ephiny. There's
nothing you could have done.

Xena stands and scouts the area around them with a thoughtful expression. Gabrielle makes a pillow for Ephiny with a blanket and joins Xena.

GABRIELLE
Why would they kill Phantes?

XENA
He got in the way. It's a war, Gabrielle.

GABRIELLE
(angrily)
I can't bear to think of all the innocents who suffer because of this madness. Somebody ought to stop it.

Xena darts a look at Gabrielle's pained expression and then looks out at the battlefield.

It's Gabrielle's turn to dart a glance at Xena, who wears a determined look.

GABRIELLE
Oh, come on Xena. Not even you can stop an entire war.
(off Xena's look)
Hey, I didn't mean that as a challenge.

The sound of the battle is very close. They can hear voices through the trees.

XENA
Stay with Ephiny.

She moves forward toward the sounds.

GABRIELLE
Xena, what are you going to do?

XENA
I'm gonna find a safe place,for Ephiny
to have her baby and then ...
(tosses a look back at Gabrielle)
...I'm gonna stop this war.

She moves on. We stay with:

GABRIELLE

as she moves back toward Ephiny.

GABRIELLE
(to herself)
I've got to learn to keep my mouth shut.

CUT TO:

2 EXT. CLEARING - DAY

GENERAL MARMAX of the Mitoan army stands in front of four subordinates.
One aide holds his horse, while another holds a map. Marmax is older, proud, a complete warrior. Think General Patton. He wears the ornate armor, head dress and other indications of his rank. He indicates a large open field on the map, where a temple-like building has been drawn.

ON XENA

She's watching the proceedings from behind a bush.
RESUME MARMAX

MARMAX
... one giant push will destroy the Thessalians once and for all. Then we'll march on into their city, free men at last. We've fought long and hard for liberation, for the right to worship our gods. Victory is near. The Thessalian tyrants are about to feel the hand of justice around their throats. May the gods bless the Mitoans on this day. Dismissed!

The subordinates disperse. Marmax mounts his horse and heads into the battlefield.

ON XENA

She watches Marmax intently and grabs her chakram.

ON MARMAX

He rides away from his troops to see the battle from a better vantage point. He's isolated for the moment. Xena lets fly with the chakram.

ON MARMAX

The chakram cuts the reins to his horse. Unable to control it, his horse rears and he falls off, hitting his head on the hard ground. His horse bolts and Marmax.is sprawled, unconscious, in the dirt.

Xena strides over. She picks up a discarded spear on the ground and raises it high in the air over her head.

ON THE SPEAR

as it plunges down onto Marmax.

FADE OUT.

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:
3 EXT. TEMPLE STEPS - DAY

Our group approaches the Temple Of Asclepius adorned by huge columns with sculptural serpents wound around them. While Gabrielle supports Ephiny, Xena drags Marmax painfully up the steps. He has a large, bloody wound on his left shoulder, as well as a badly bruised head. He's also been stripped of his armor and any obvious ranks and honors. He looks like any other Mitoan now. Marmax is strenuously resisting going into the temple, but Xena has a strong grip on him.

XENA
You're going in!

MARMAX
(quietly to Xena)
Are you insane? I'm a Mitoan! And
this is a Thessalian healing temple!

XENA
Well, you need to be healed, don't you?

MARMAX
You obviously know nothing of war. The
Thessalians are the enemy of the
Mitoans. They'll kill me.

XENA
Nah. They'll keep you alive. You're
good slave material.

MARMAX
You don't understand. They're going to
want to execute a man of my rank.

XENA
What rank? You look like just another
foot soldier to me.

Marmax looks down at himself and sees his honors gone. He stares accusingly at Xena.

MARMAX
Did you do this?

XENA
Do what? Hey, I risked my life to save you. Show a little

gratitude. Now move it.

A THESSALIAN GUARD hears the fracas outside and emerges in the doorway.

XENA

I found this soldier. He's wounded.
And we have a pregnant woman.

THESSALIAN GUARD
(scrutinizing Marmax)
Looks like more Mitoan scum. This way.
Marmax immediately assumes a humble posture. He's certainly
not going to give away his identity now.

CUT TO:

4 INT. TEMPLE - DAY

The temple is a spacious, square area. The centerpiece is an altar, where the giant, marble statue of Asclepius holds out his right hand cupped, while the left holds the rod and serpent. This motif is continued throughout the building.
Every inch of space is occupied by the bodies of critically wounded soldiers and civilians, who look like they've been left to die. This is not a pretty sight.

Our group enters. Gabrielle is stunned by the sight of all this carnage. The Thessalian Guard takes Marmax to:

· THE MITOAN AREA

where a group of separated Mitoan POWs look with surprise at their latest comrade. They are guarded by three Thessalian guards. Marmax is quite weak. The POW LEADER tries to salute his general, but Marmax grabs his arm to stop him. By the looks of the Mitoan group, they are not receiving any medical care at all.

POW LEADER
General, your ...

The Thessalian Guard looks their way.

MARMAX
Shhh....

The Guard is distracted by other business and leaves. Marmax breaths a sigh of relief.

TEMPLE SIDE AREA

Xena and Gabrielle have just found a seat for Ephiny. Gabrielle is visibly shaken by all the carnage and ill-treatment of people.

XENA
(to Ephiny)
How do You feel?

EPHINY
Not good. My body is tired and my soul feels like it was sliced with a razor.

Xena kneels down next to her.

XENA
Ephiny, Phantes is gone but what you and he created is inside of you, ready to come into the world. You have to go on.

GABRIELLE
And you're not alone. You have friends
and family here with you.

EPHINY
Family?

GABRIELLE
I'm your sister Amazon, remember?

EPHINY
(a little smile)
Right. You were given the right of
cast.

GABRIELLE
Xena and I will take care of you.

The BLOODCURDLING SCREAM from a wounded man draws their attention to:

7 THE THESSALIAN SECTION

Xena walks towards a young priest, HIPPOCRATES, who is trying to move a Thessalian soldier who has a serious stomach wound. Hippocrates' simple, white robes are a contrast to the gore around him. Every tug on the patient brings screams of agony.

XENA
Put him down. Can't you see he's in terrible pain?

HIPPOCRATES
But we have to put him on the altar.
Hippocrates points to:

THE ALTAR

where GALEN, the head priest, is decked out in ornate, white robes, denoting his higher priestly rank. He holds a smaller rod with a serpent entwined and has a man lying on a large slab. Another simply-dressed priest, DEMOCRITUS, assists. All the priests wear a large medallion of a rod and snake.

RESUME THESSALIAN AREA

XENA
What's your name?

HIPPOCRATES
Hippocrates.

XENA
Well, Hippocrates, a man with a wound
like that shouldn't be moved.

HIPPOCRATES
but Asclepius, the god of Medicine, has to empower Galen with the proper knowledge and drugs on the altar. So we have to move him. That's Galen's orders.

Xena looks around at the other patients and then jerks her thumb over her shoulder in the direction of the altar.

XENA
Is that Galen?

Hippocrates nods and Xena strides over to:
THE ALTAR
Galen removes herbs from the large, marble hand of Asclepius. He sprinkles some on top of his patient and bows his head. Democritus waves a rod over the body.

GALEN
0 Mighty Asclepius, we beseech you and trust in thy healing powers to make this man whole again.

XENA
The gods don't care if these people
live or die.

GALEN
Who is this woman?

XENA
I've spent a lot of time healing men on the battlefield. You could be helping a lot more people if you spent more time with them and less with your god.

GALEN
Am I supposed to believe that some harlot knows more about healing than the priests of Asclepius?

Running, a Mitoan WARRIOR carries another Mitoan COMRADE over his shoulder. The COMRADE has an arrow through his neck and can't breathe.

MITOAN WARRIOR
Help me. Please. Somebody. He can't
breathe. He's dying.

GALEN
Put him with the other Mitoan dirt.

Xena strides over to the Comrade, as the Warrior lowers his friend to the floor.. Curious, Hippocrates and Democritus follow her to watch. Xena immediately starts stanching the blood around the wound.

XENA
(to Hippocrates)
I need a piece of hollow reed. And
some rags.

Hippocrates hesitates.

XENA
Now!

Hippocrates rushes off to get what has been requested.

GALEN
This is OUR temple. WE decide who'll
be treated.

Xena points at Marmax.

XENA
You. Over here.

Marmax is incredulous.

XENA
Do you want to see another Mitoan die?

Marmax reluctantly moves to help xena. Xena pulls out her
knife as a surgical tool. Marmax reluctantly bends over the patient, his pride barely intact. Hippocrates has returned with the rags and reed. Democritus is mesmerized. Galen is outraged.

GALEN
Go ahead. If you kill Mitoans with your ignorance, it doesn't matter. Just don't touch a Thessalian.

XENA
(to Marmax)
Hold him down.

Marmax holds down the Comrade's chest. Xena slits a small opening in the trachea and places a thin piece of reed in the opening, but it doesn't take.

The man is really bleeding now. She furthers the cut.

MARMAX
You're killing him!

XENA
Shut up and concentrate. (indicating)
Push down here. Harder!

After a moment, the Comrade starts to gasp his first labored breaths. Galen, seeing this, stands over Xena to watch her work.

XENA
Grab the arrow here.

Marmax grabs the point of the arrow. Xena cuts the arrow point off.

XENA
Give me that mass of cobwebs up there.

Marmax reaches in a corner, grabs a hunk of cobwebs and give them to Xena. Hippocrates, entranced, hands her compresses without thinking. Galen is growing irate.

HIPPOCRATES
What are you doing?

XENA
The cobwebs help stop the bleeding.

DEMOCRITUS
So you just bandage him up?

XENA
Not quite. Stand back.

Slowly, Xena pulls out the arrow. Blood spurts from the wound. The priests jump back, but not before getting hit with the spray. Galen takes a particularly messy spray all over his beautiful robes. He reacts vocally in disgust.

Marmax holds down the compress on one side, while Xena does it on the other, as she winds a bandage around the neck to hold the compresses in place.

XENA
Keep the pressure constant. Don't let
go.

The priests are shocked. Gabrielle comes over to make the patient more comfortable. Democritus watches her carefully. The patient is conscious and his breathing stabilizes. As Xena checks his dressing, the priests fall out of earshot.

HIPPOCRATES
Amazing.

DEMOCRITUS
(looking at Gabrielle)
She is beautiful.

HIPPOCRATES
I meant the healing woman.

DEMOCRITUS
Yes. She's amazing, too.

GALEN
There's nothing amazing about that..

HIPPOCRATES
But we've never seen anything like ...

GALEN
It's an antiquated and impure form of healing. Not of the gods. You both should know better.

DEMOCRITUS
Yes, Galen.

CUT TO:

8 EXT. TEMPLE STEPS - DAY

Hippocrates and Democritus try to get a moment alone to discuss the miracle they just witnessed. Hippocrates is quite riled up, while Democritus is still concerned.

DEMOCRITUS
Do you think Galen is right? That it's
a lower form of healing?

HIPPOCRATES
I don't know if there are higher or lower forms. If it gets the job done, isn't it all the same? If I had to deal with that neck wound, the man would be dead. She knows what she's doing. I can learn from her. I'm going to watch her carefully.

Galen appears behind them.

GALEN
Watch her all you like. You'll see that her methods lead only to death. But she better stick to killing Mitoans. If she touches one of ours, she leaves. I'm going to find more of our brave Thessalian wounded out on the field.

Galen leaves.

CUT TO:

9 INT. TEMPLE DAY

Xena is walking among the untreated wounded. She directs the ambulatory patients to help her move some bodies.

XENA
(to a patient)
I want all these people over there with the walking wounded. We're clearing this area.

She points to the right side of the temple, which is turning into the recovery area. The patient nods. She bends down to examine a POW. She immediately starts working on him. Blood covers her hands as she ties off a vein. Hippocrates and Democritus approach her.

HIPPOCRATES
We'd like to observe your work.

XENA
These people need care, not another pair of eyes staring at them. You've got a lot of customers. Get to work.

Hippocrates and Democritus look at each other for a moment and then start to help. Hippocrates moves toward a severely injured man nearby.

XENA
It's too late for him, but there are
others who can be saved. And you need to separate the ones that
can be helded from the ones that can't.

HIPPOCRATES
How can we know that?

XENA
You have to choose.

HIPPOCRATES
I don't know if I can do that.

XENA
You have to. Lives depend on it.

Xena indicates another, female patient, next to him.

XENA
She could use your help right now.

Hippocrates immediately begins on the woman's bleeding chest. Gabrielle approaches. Xena looks at Gabrielle and then gestures to Marmax.

XENA

Gabrielle, I want you to change his bandages.

Gabrielle starts working on Marmax's wounds.

MARMAX
Ouch.

GABRIELLE

Sorry. Medicine isn't my strong suit, anyway.

MARMAX
What is your strong suit?

GABRIELLE
I'm a bard.

MARMAX
A bard. Huh. Well, go ahead.

GABRIELLE
What do you mean?

MARMAX
Tell me a story.

Gabrielle thinks for a moment as she continues to work on Marmax's bandages.

GABRIELLE
There was once a King named Liberius.
He was a brave warrior and a great hunter.

MARMAX
I like him already.

GABRIELLE
He was so proud of his hunting skills he decided to test them in the sacred forest of the great goddess, Artemis.

MARMAX
That sounds like a mistake.

GABRIELLE
Artemis was so angry that she turned
him into a deer.

MARMAX
He became the hunted. The worse thing
that can happen to a great hunter.

GABRIELLE
That's what he thought, at first. But he became so fond of the peaceful ways of the deer, that he grew to love them. Of course, he still missed his human friends and family, and often he was very sad. Finally, Artemis took pity on him and turned him back into his human form.

MARMAX
A happy ending. But what a nightmare
for a warrior to have to live the life
of a deer.

GABRIELLE
Actually, it was the best thing that
ever happened to him. He became a
better King after that experience and a
much happier man.

MARMAX
Why is that?

GABRIELLE
He'd learned that the true secret of life is to find peace in yourself and share it with the world.

Marmax studies Gabrielle with a sadder-but-wiser smile.

MARMAX
It's a pretty story. Too bad it has
nothing to do with real life.

GABRIELLE
Life is only what we make it.

As Marmax thoughtfully watches Gabrielle work on his wound, we:

CUT TO:

10 INT. TEMPLE - A SHORT WHILE LATER - DAY

The once chaotic temple is now filled with ordered groups of casualties. Near the door is the triage area, for the new and untreated cases. The center altar has become an operating theater, with additional tables for patients on either side. The right side of the room is the recovery ward. The left side has Marmax and the POWs with a few Thessalian guards watching them.

Xena is checking Ephiny near the altar. Gabrielle and Marmax are working with Mitoans. Hippocrates is collecting bloody rags and stirring them in a boiling cauldron to clean them. Democritus is in triage, ministering to patients.

11 TRIAGE

Four Thessalian guards, carrying two stretchers, run into the temple. One stretcher holds a Mitoan soldier. Blood spurts from his neck and covers everything around him as he moans. The other carries a Thessalian soldier. He can't breathe and is turning blue. His gasps are terrible to hear. Democritus sees them first.

DEMOCRITUS
We need help here!

Xena bounds over. She points to the altar.

XENA
Over there! Gabrielle!

12 ALTAR

The guards carry the two patients to the altar, while Xena examines them as they run. Democritus is carrying compresses and cobwebs. As they are placed down, Gabrielle is at Xena's side. Xena has a knife in her hands.

XENA
We'll need to alternate.

She slices a small hole in the Thessalian's rib cage.

XENA
(indicating the Mitoan)
Stop the bleeding.
(to Democritus)
I need a reed. And some kind of animal
bladder.

DEMOCRITUS
We slaughtered a pig this morning.

XENA
That'll have to do.

Democritus runs off. Gabrielle gets covered with blood from the spraying jugular until she grabs the compresses that Democritus left her and applies pressure. Xena has her fingers in the Thessalian's chest.

Democritus returns with. the pig's bladder and a reed. Xena grabs them from him and sticks.the reed in the chest hole she's made. She starts pumping, using the bladder as a lung pump. The Thessalian's breathing starts to normalize.

XENA
(to Gabrielle)
Switch.

Gabrielle puts one hand on the lung pump, as Xena gets her hand on the Mitoan's neck wound. They switch patients without missing a beat. Gabrieile pumps the bladder.

XENA
Keep pumping. Follow his breathing
pattern.

Xena picks up a needle and starts to repair the severed jugular. Galen storms in with Thessalian guards bringing in Thessalian patients. They put them down.

GALEN
What have you done to my temple?

Xena and Gabrielle continue to operate.

XENA
Is there a problem?

GALEN
She has a Mitoan on our altar. And
she's murdering our brave soldiers.
(to the guards)
She must be stopped. Throw her out and
if she resists, kill her!

Two Thessalian guards run up to Xena with their swords drawn. Gabrielle is trying to pump the lung of the Thessalian, while stanching the gushing blood of the Mitoan. Xena looks to her sword. It's not in her back-scabbard. It's tied to a patient's leg as a splint. She's unarmed.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

Xenaphile | ITAD Act 1 | ITAD Act 2 | ITAD Act 3 | ITAD Act4