Prod. #VO205

XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS
"Warrior ... Princess ... Tramp"

Written by
R.J. Stewart
Directed by
Josh Becker

Revised Pages: Cast, Set, 5-7, 9-13, 15, 26-28, 30, 33, 39, 40

Executive Producers
Sam Raimi & Robert Tapert

SHOOTING DRAFT

March 29, 1996
Rev. April 11, 1996 - Pink
Renaissance Pictures
100 Universal City Plaza
Universal City, CA 91608
(818) 777-0088

XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS

"Warrior Princess ... Tramp"

CAST LIST

XENA/PRINCESS DIANA/MEG
GABRIELLE

KING LIAS (LEE-us)
PHILEMON (PHIL-a-mon)
JOXER
AGIS (AGE-iss)
ALCIBIADES (al-chu-bee-AR-dees)
BARFLY
GUARD
NURSE

Referred to in Dialog:
BOEOTIA (bo-EE-sha)

XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS
"Warrior ... Princess ... Tramp"

SET LIST

INTERIORS:

CASTLE - KING LIAS' BEDCHAMBER
- FOYER
- CORRIDOR #1 - OUTSIDE GUEST BEDROOM
- CORRIDOR #2
- CORRIDOR #3
- CORRIDOR #4
- CORRIDOR #5
- GUEST BEDROOM

- DUNGEON
- THRONE ROOM
- NURSERY
- DIANAIS ROOMS
- UNDERGROUND CHAMBER
TAVERN
CAVE

EXTERIORS:

CASTLE
COURTYARD

XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS
"Warrior ... Princess ... Tramp"
TEASER

FADE IN:

INT. KING LIAS' BEDCHAMBER - DAY
CLOSE ON A SMILING BABY

An ancient hand appears in frame and gently caresses the baby's.cheek.

WIDER TO SHOW

King Lias lying in bed, looking very ill. Princess Diana sits at his side. The King's admiring his granddaughter, who is cradled in the arms of Diana. Diana's back is to us so that we can't see what she looks like. Philemon stands behind Diana with a comforting hand on her shoulder.

KING LIAS
She'll be a great queen one day.
(to Diana)
As you will be -- very soon, Diana.

DIFFERENT ANGLE
We see that Diana is the spitting image of Xena. (This reveal should be played for a surprise, since some of our audience might not have seen the first Diana episode.)

DIANA
(holding back the tears)
Father, please, don't say that. You'll get better,
I know you will.

KING LIAS
You must be strong. I fear my time is near. It is important that the transition between my rule and
yours goes smoothly.

DIANA
(pulling herself together)
I'm ready to do whatever is needed of me.

KING LIAS
As you know, I've sent for Xena. In difficult
times like these, it's good to have mighty friends
close at hand.

DIANA
And who is mightier than Xena?

CUT TO:

2 INT. TAVERN - DAY 2

Joxer stands in this lowlife pub regaling some of it's regular barflies with tales of his adventures.

JOXER
I was the one chosen to fight Callisto because
if there's anyone mightier than Xena, it's Joxer
the Magnificent.

ON GABRIELLE

as she enters the tavern. She walks up behind Joxer. He doesn't notice her.

JOXER
So I challenged Callisto to pit her strength against
mine. Of course, at first she was a little hesitant,
but I'll give the girl credit, she got over her fear
and came at me. I dodged her first sally and spun
around to

He's acting out the fight. He spins around to find himself staring into the face of Gabrielle.

GABRIELLE
Go ahead. I'm dying to hear the rest.

JOXER
... to... ah... call Xena. I wanted her to have
the satisfaction of dispatching the villainess.
Which she did, while I held off the other members
of Callisto's gang.

GABRIELLE
Gee, I don't remember it that way.

JOXER
Well, you were tied up at the time.

GABRIELLE
So were you.

The barflies enjoy a chuckle at Joxer's expense.

GABRIELLE
(to Joxer)
What are you doing here?

JOXER
The word's out that King Lias sent for Xena.
I thought she might need my help.

GABRIELLE
I don't think so but I'll ask her when I see her.

JOXER
I already asked her. She said to give her time to
settle in at the castle and then I should follow.

GABRIELLE
What are you talking about? She's coming from Thebes.
The message she sent to me said she wouldn't be here
till tomorrow.

JOXER
(pleased with himself)
Wrong. She left here an hour ago.

GABRIELLE
How could she get here so fast?

JOXER
I don't know. But she was definitely here.

GABRIELLE
Well, I better hurry to catch up with her.

JOXER
Tell her not to worry, I won't be long. I could
tell when we parted this morning, she was going to
miss my affections.

He throws a lascivious look at the-barflies. They give out a conspiratorial chuckle. Gabrielle whacks him on the nose.

JOXER
Ow! What'd you do that for?

GABRIELLE
That's Xena's reputation you're playing with.
That is going too far.

Gabrielle exits, leaving a thoughtful Joxer behind.

CUT TO:

3 INT. CASTLE - FOYER - DAY
Xena sits at the table, sipping a glass of wine.
AGIS, shrewd,formidable, forty-ish, stands next to her.
Diana, Philemon and two members of the Royal Guard enter.

DIANA
Xena. Welcome.

XENA
Hello, Diana.

They embrace.

DIANA
Thank you so much for coming. We didn't expect
you so soon.

XENA
I made very good time. Diana, I'd like you to meet
Agis. He's been an advisor to King Cadmus of Thebes.
I trust him completely. He'll be a great help to us
all in these difficult times.

DIANA
(to Agis)
If Xena trusts you, I trust you. Welcome.

AGIS
I'm honored, Your Highness.

XENA
How is the King?

DIANA
(very emotional)
Not well, Xena.

Xena gives Diana a comforting hug.

XENA
We'll get through all this together.

Suddenly, Gabrielle enters.

GABRIELLE
Hello, Princess.

DIANA
Welcome, Gabrielle.

(to everyone)

I'll see that rooms are prepared for you all.

(to a Guard)

Stay with Xena. Her commands are to be obeyed
as if they were from the King himself.

GUARD
Yes, Your Highness.

Diana exits, accompanied by Philemon. When they're gone,
Gabrielle turns to Xena.

GABRIELLE
Xena, we have to work on communication here. I
thought you were going to meet me at the tavern
later on today. And what happened between you
and Joxer that made him think you were in love
with him? You got to watch what you say to that
guy. He's a little crazy, you know. He had the
whole bar thinking you were some kind of lowlife
tramp.

Xena turns to the Guard assigned to her.

XENA
Guard.
(points to Gabrielle)
Throw this bigmouthed idiot into the dungeon.

Agis is a bit surprised, but says nothing. The Guard takes Gabrielle's staff and grabs her arm. (She's without the staff for the rest of the episode.) Off Gabrielle's stunned look, we:

FADE OUT

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

6 INT. CASTLE - GUEST BEDROOM - DAY 6*

The door opens and Xena is shown in by a lady-in-waiting. The
lady-in-waiting bows and exits. Xena eyes her surroundings and smiles. The door opens and Agis enters.

XENA

You ever hear of knocking?

Agis calmly closes the door behind him and then suddenly springs
at Xena, grabs her and slams her up against the wall.

XENA

Hey, watch it. That's no way to treat a Warrior
Princess.

AGIS

Let me remind you of reality, Meg. You're a filthy
tramp that I fished out of the gutter because you
look like Xena and Diana. You're useful to me
only if you're a convincing thespian.

MEG

Thespian!? You didn't say nothing about any kinky
stuff. Besides, I've pulled it off so far.

AGIS

Not quite. You ordered Xenals best friend thrown
into a dungeon.

MEG

She's so irritating.. I don't. know how Xena puts
up with her Hey, don'tworry, I'll fix it.

AGIS
Yes, you will because you're going to do
exactly what I say.

MEG
Fine.

Agis lets go of her and walks over to a window and looks down at the castle grounds.

MEG
This room's nice but I bet Diana has a real comfy
setup. When do I get to be her?

Meg sits down at a desk. As she does her chakram catches on the arm of the chair.

AGIS
When it's appropriate to make the switch.

Meg awkwardly frees the chakram.

AGIS
It'll be soon. I want you acting as the Princess
when Lias dies. That way you can turn the control
of the army over to me right away.

Meg studies the chakran and then places it on it's edge on the surface of the desk.

AGIS
Once I have command of the army, I can launch an
attack on Meridius and sell it's citizens into
slavery.

Meg spins the chakram on edge, like one would with a coin. It spins around the table like a top.

AGIS
It will only be the beginning of a series of
conquests.

MEG
Hey, Aggie, look at what the round thing does.

Agis slams the chakram down onto the desktop with the flat of
his hand.

AGIS
The chakram's a weapon, not a toy.

MEG
What kind of damage could a cheap wooden thing like
that do?

(Picks up the chakram; it's in two pieces)

Look, you broke it.

AGIS
The real one is made of iron. This is just a fake,
like you. As long as people believe it's the real
thing, we'll keep it. The moment anyone knows it's
not authentic, I'll destroy it. Do I make myself
clear?

MEG
Crystal.

AGIS
Fix it, put it back on your belt and leave it there.
And get dressed. You need to visit Xena's little
friend.

A furious Gabrielle is pacing her cell. The door opens and Meg (as Xena) enters.

GABRIELLE
You better have a pretty good explanation.

MEG
Gabrielle, this is all part of a plan.

GABRIELLE
Could you tell me what that plan is?

MEG
No, I can't.

GABRIELLE
I'm supposed to accept being thrown into a dungeon
and you won't even share the plan with me?

MEG
Gabrielle, have you ever had burning splinters shoved
under your-fingernails?

GABRIELLE
No.

MEG
I figured as much. The man we're up against is
known for getting information from people by that
method. The less you know, the safer you are.

GABRIELLE
Well, if he captures me he won't know I don't know
anything. He'll still put the splinters under my fingernails.

Good point.

MEG
That's why it's important that you stay down here.
You're less likely to fall into his clutches that way.

GABRIELLE
Hey, I can take care of myself. Are you treating
me like a kid again? I thought we were past that.

MEG
Well, we're not.

She taps on the door.

MEG
Don't try to contact Diana. It would only put her
in danger.

The door opens and Meg exits, leaving a confused and devastated Gabrielle behind.

Meg (as Xena) joins Agis.

MEG
She'll stay quiet.

AGIS
Good.

Agis turns to walk away.

MEG
Hey, Aggie --

AGIS
My name's Agis.

MEG
What are we going to do when the real Xena gets
here?

AGIS
She won't.

CUT TO

9 INT. TAVERN - THE NEXT DAY 9

Xena enters the same tavern we saw Gabrielle and Joxer in earlier. She walks toward the bar. The barflies see her and chuckle amongst themselves. One of the barflies (the one with a speaking part) steps in front of her, blocking her path.

BARFLY
How about you and me have some fun?

XENA
No thanks.

She tries to move around him but he moves to block her again.

BARFLY
So, now you're playing hard to get?

She gives him a punch to his shoulder. Well, not exactly a punch. It's more the equivalent of flicking off a fly. The Barfly staggers back onto his butt and Xena walks up to the bar and addresses the Innkeeper.

XENA
Have you seen a little blonde woman around here?

The Innkeeper is about to respond when the Barfly suddenly appears at Xenals side. A Second Barfly steps up to her other side.

BARFLY
She left yesterday. But there's no reason for you
to be lonely when there are healthy men like us around.
(puckering)
How about a kiss?

The Second Barfly blows in her ear. Xena brings both elbows up into their respective chins and knocks them senseless.

XENA
(to Innkeeper)
Give me a cup of wine.

She hears some footsteps behind her. She turns to see:

ALCIBIADES

and ten henchmen. Alcibiades is a tall, well-muscled brute of a man. He and all of the henchmen have their weapons drawn.

XENA
I take it you're not looking for a kiss?

The Innkeeper puts a glass of wine on the bar.

ALCIBIADES
Nah.
(points his sword at her)
I want your heart.

XENA
You're not my type.

She takes a sip of wine. With a growl Alcibiades charges. Xena grabs a torch from behind the bar and breathes fire into his face. The fight is on.

Xena does a backflip onto the bar and kicks a couple of the henchmen into oblivion. She then does a somersault into the whole pack of them, her feet and fists making contact with four different henchmen. All four go down.

Alcibiades has recovered from the fire assault and charges. Xena head butts another henchman while swinging a back kick into Alcibiades' stomach. She then does a split kick and takes out two more henchmen. Alcibiades and the remaining conscious henchmen choose the better part of valor and run for their
lives. As they exit the tavern, the Barfly struggles to his feet, shaking out the cobwebs.

BARFLY
Just one little kiss?

Xena blows on him. He keels over. Xena exits, deep in thought.

CUT TO:

10 INT. CASTLE - GUEST BEDROOM - DAY 10

Meg finishes gluing the chakram back together. She puts itback on her belt and then stands in front of a mirror practicing her Xena act. She pulls the sword. Not bad. She starts whirling the sword a la Xena. She looks pretty good. She gets some momentum going on it, then loses control and lets it go. The sword flies up and sticks into the ceiling. Meg climbs up on the desk in order to reach up and pull the sword down. It doesn't come. She puts all her weight on it, actually lifting her feet off the desk. Suddenly, the sword comes free and Meg crashes back down onto the desk. The desk legs give and Meg and the desk
crash to the ground. She scrambles to her feet. The door opens and the Guard appears.

GUARD
Are you alright?

MEG
Fine. Just practicing a new punch I've been working on.

She drives a fist down toward the collapsed desk and then throws a scowl at the Guard. He backs out sheepishly and closes the door. Meg grabs her butt where she landed on thedesk and limps toward the window. She becomes aware of afamiliar voice coming from outside. She peers out at:

11 EXT. CASTLE - DAY - MEG'S POV 11

JOXER

He's arguing with a guard who won't let him into the castle.

GUARD
You're not getting into this castle.So be smart and
walk away while you still can.

JOXER
You have no idea who you're dealing with, do you?
Don't make me hurt you.

He tries to step forward but the guard shoves him back on
his bottom.

DIFFERENT ANGLE

MEG
(very Xena-like)
That's alright, Guard. He's with me.

Joxer gets up and the guard stands aside.

JOXER
(to the guard)
You're a very lucky man.

He throws a look up at Meg.

MEG
(seductive smile)
Hurry.
(points)
It's those stairs right over there.

12 INT. GUEST BEDROOM - DAY (CONTINUOUS) 12

Meg rushes back to the mirror but this time she's trying to make herself sexy. She pulls at her armor, trying to accentuate her cleavage. She then pulls her hair over to one side, exposing her neckline. She then hurries over to the bed and sits on it, with her legs crossed in a seductive nanner. There's a KNOCK on the door.

MEG
Come in.

Joxer enters. Meg pats the bed next to her.

MEG
Have a seat.

Joxer sits next to her. There's a BEAT, then Meg throws her arms around him. They kiss. Suddenly, he stands up and moves away.

MEG
What's the matter?

JOXER
I've been thinking a lot about something Gabrielle
said to me.

MEG
What did that little brat say?

JOXER
Well, she scolded me for not showing you the respect
you deserve.

MEG
What are you talking about?

JOXER
(confessing; ashamed)
I told a barroom full of men about how intimate
you and I got.

MEG
Hey, there's nothing wrong with a little
publicity.

JOXER
Gabrielle pointed out how unfair to your reputation
that was. So I've decided that I don't deserve you
as a lover.

MEG
You're kidding. Don't listen to Gabrielle. I'm
seriously considering having her executed.

JOXER
Oh, no. Now I've ruined one of the great friendships.
This is all wrong. one of us has to be strong.
(moves toward the door)
I'll be waiting outside your window, should you
need my sword at your service.

She leaps up and scurries over to him, blocking his exit.

MEG
I need your services right now.

Joxer realizes he's weakening and darts out of the room. Meg thoughtfully watches him go.

MEG
(with a confident smile)
He'll be back.

CUT TO:

13 INT. CASTLE - CORRIDOR #2 - DAY 13

Joxer, struggling with his passions, makes his way down the hall.

JOXER
Be strong, be strong.

He realizes he's lost and confusedly makes a left turn and confronts:

DIANA
moving toward him in a beautiful gown.

JOXER
Oh, this is madness. Do you really think a
different dress will weaken my
manly resolve.
(beat)
You're right.

He embraces Diana, dropping both hands onto her buttocks and
kissing her neck. As Diana SCREAMS for help, we:

CUT TO:

14 INT. DUNGEON - DAY 14

Gabrielle sits brooding angrily. The door opens and Joxer
is tossed in. He lands in a heap in the middle of the cell.
He and Gabrielle exchange glances.

JOXER
Xena's kinda unpredictable, isn't she?

GABRIELLE
You're telling me.

CUT TO:

15 EXT. CASTLE - DAY 15
Xena rides up to the castle. A couple of confused guards let her pass.

16 INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY 16

Xena enters and walks up to Diana who sits on the throne
looking distraught, wiping away a few tears.

XENA
Diana, we have a problem. I was attacked in a
tavern by a band of thugs. Somebody obviously
didn't want me to get here; somebody who wants to
take advantage of the King's illness.
We have to prepare for --

DIANA
(weeping)
Xena, I just came from seeing Papa. He's slipping
away. Can we talk about this later?

XENA
Alright. I'll talk to Philemon about making
the castle secure.

(puts a comforting hand on Diana's shoulder)
We'll make it through this together.

Diana nods and Xena exits. Once she's gone:

DIANA
Hey, Aggie, I thought you said she wasn't
going to make it to the party.

It's not Diana at all but Meg. A curtain behind her is pulled aside to reveal Agis, Alcibiades and a bound-and-gagged Diana. A henchman holds a knife to her throat.

AGIS
(irritated with Meg's challenging tone)
Obviously, something went wrong.

MEG
Be careful, Aggie. She looks tough.
How'd you like the tears?

AGIS
Nice touch.

He glances at the Henchman.

AGIS
You know what to do with her.

The Henchman nods.
ON DIANA'S FRIGHTENED EYES
FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE